introspective periscope : peeking inside since Y2K ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- thirty for thirteen still barefoot at sunset - 29 june 2009 "less than forget but more than begun, these adventures in solitude never done. to the names of our wounds we send the same blood back from the wars."~the new pornographers since i turned thirty, there are days that are so completely sensory that i am driven to distraction by it. today, the air is cool...a mere seventy three degrees. i have wandered around the house, coming back to my machine consistently which is newly set up in my dining room (supposedly to make me more productive.) from here to the coffee pot in the kitchen behind me, to the porch for a cigarette break in silence, back to the machine. i am barefooted...the carpet in the dining room is deep red stripes and rough on my feet, the living room carpet beige and rather dull and not soft at all, the linoleum of the kitchen is cool, clean, smooth, shiny, and welcoming to touch. tactile...everything is so tactile. my feet connect me to something, ground me. there is construction outside my house and i have made casual conversation with some of the workers. their muscles are tight and strong, their arms are gorgeously tanned in the sun in contrast with the bright yellow shirts they wear for safety. they are often waist-deep in the trench between the street and the sidewalk and i like to watch them work while i sit here. i listen to their conversations. i imagine inviting one or two of them in and then shake my head at the ridiculous nature of the thought...but i bet their flesh is overly warm and dusty to the touch...wanting to graze soft coffee-flavored lips across sweaty sun-kissed skin... so this is the prime of it, maybe? everything is sex and i am enjoying the thoughts, fantasies, and the examination of these things which seem so new, so clear. the air moves, i am distracted. this must be what it is to be a thirteen year old boy. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- .what came before. - .what happened next. a diamond at the bottom of the drain - 20 october 2017 |
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