introspective periscope : peeking inside since Y2K

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

a new leaf

4:20 a.m. foggy morning - 23 august 2o22

"it's been a long time since i wore this rattle snake smile and a lot of my friends haven't seen it in quite a while."~reverend horton heat

when i was in my 20s, i used to half-joke that i was going to move to the green triangle and trim pot plants to earn my living. i finally did finish college and i've not stepped foot in california as an adult. back then, nacho and i would sit on our couch in the treehouse passing a beautiful blown glass bowl between us and considering whether we would see legal weed in our lifetime. talking about what it would look like if it happened. we'd open a little coffee shop bakery where we offered good and better...good baked goods and cannabis infused foods for those who wanted them. everyone would want them.

in our lifetime, for sure, right? yes. a few months ago, my medical cannabis card arrived. the future is a very strange place.

as i consider what i want this next phase of my life to look like--surely i need to find work doing something and soon--i am not interested in going hard for the same old thing that, after 5 years and a bit of a career, will eliminate me. this is an opportunity to find something that brings me joy as well. a search on Indeed returned over 50 positions in the cannabis industry. i don't want to be in sales anymore, i don't think--though i know i would kill at it. i spent a little time with my resume and sent it to a listing to be a trim technician. now i watch my inbox for any response.

but what does a resume with twenty years of technical support and sales background in telecom tell them? is my work managing a census bureau office going to tell them that i vibe with plants? how did i even become this person? and how do i impart that i am a human who likes plants and fungus more than i like most other humans? we are the green thumb plant revival--its hereditary, passed from my grandmother to my mother to me, thankfully. if it is mostly dead, chances are, i'll save it. i've given up on plenty of people but i have never given up on a plant. how do i show that, like my grandmother's home, every windowsill is crammed with plants, some older than 2 decades, most propagated more times than anyone could tell and gifted to friends in the world? herbs, orchids that surprise me when they survive in my cold apartment, succulents of every kind. that the antique Underdog drinking glass that belonged to my grandmother is full of a mass of tangled roots of stray succulent leaves and cuttings yearning to be put into a pot of earth, yearning to grow. how do i communicate that despite my scope of knowledge, i am hungry to learn something completely new? to leave that old life behind, shedding the skin that has become all at once too tight to live in.

she said, "your destiny is discovering and dedicating yourself to a sacred calling."

and i know what that calling is...it isn't to trim cannabis plants in a warehouse but it certainly a means to an end. no more customers, just a team who is there to support some plants to happy healthy flowers that will go to medicate others like me and not like me...from cancer to crohns, from anxiety to eating disorders...its meant to help. i want to help. a position like this would let me work on my certification and testing prep. a position with four 10 hour shifts would give me the most time with my kiddo. it would take me one step closer to a more secure future which would, ultimately, allow me the time and space needed to seriously consider death doula-ing in my later life. all of them are pieces to the same puzzling game where the rules change and so too must the strategy. if i am being anything, i am being strategic.

years ago, i know everyone would have rolled their eyes. nothing about that has changed, i suspect. i have a chance at a fresh start and i'm going for it. i have so many thoughts about all of this that i'm still sorting out exactly what to say if they call me. the logistics. imagining going to work with tiny scissors in hand with all the music and podcasts i could dream of. or maybe it's not quite like that.

there is only one way to find out.

xo,
jones

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

.what came before. - .what happened next.

a new leaf - 23 august 2o22
the devil, reversed - 18 august 2o22
tell me something good. - 17 august 2o22
brain candy - 1august 2o22
games - 26 july 2o22

latest entry

about me

catalogue

notes

DiaryLand

random entry

other diaries:

kraven
non-descript
heartshaped
fuschia