introspective periscope : peeking inside since Y2K ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- pondering strangers late again - sixth of march, 2002 "electric blue eyes where did you come from? electric blue eyes, i need you."~the cranberries i'm starting to really be bothered with the darkness in our bedroom. its not that i don't like it, its that, even when we set an alarm, we don't get up anymore. we sleep and sleep and noon comes and goes and then, its one o'clock and we're just getting up and we talk ourselves into thinking that we'll get up early tomorrow and go and do the things we need to do but we don't and its this big vicious circle and its frustrating and bordering on bad....bad in a routine sort of way. i have a few places i need to go today and i wonder if i'll actually get my ass in gear. i need to get to the social security office and get the ball rolling on getting a new card so i can prove to this lady that i am, indeed, not an illegal alien ( i mean look at me....this is hard to tell?) and that i am a citizen who can legally hold a job in this great country of ours. (note: yes, that was sarcasm.) i am a little bit addicted to newscasts about ridiculous local news and yet, disgusted by what the "news" considers the news to be. i watched nearly a full two hours of it last night, my stomach wrenching about the accident on I80 and my head filled with curiosity at the type of man it would take to think that trading tanning sessions at his tanning boutique for nude pictures would be a good idea. curiousity at what pleasure could possibly be gained from pictures of women. just. nude. i will never totally understand pornography. and still, it bothers me to think that a young girl would even consider such a compromise. i mean....does she think...."free tanning sessions....yeah, i could take off my clothes. save a buck." ? and i'm confused about this war we've got in afghanistan because both sides think they're winning and i think that most americans have forgotten that we're at war except for the five or six minutes when their televisions loop aroud and give it its five minutes (if that) of coverage each night.....and why aren't more of our guys dying? we're slaughtering hundreds of them...how are we dodging open fire bullets? perplexion. here on the homefront, things are strange in my head. i don't know if its spring moving in and having its way with me. my body is willing and my head shakes a no.....or my head is willing but nothing feels right. its just a strange phase, perhaps. it doesn't mean i love any less. but my head has visitors that you could never understand. i didn't invite them in. we've all got ghosts who visit us in our sleep. even you. and besides. when happiness seems a little less apparent, lately, i can always think about the record player. i am selfish. and simple. and okay with that. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- .what came before. - .what happened next. a diamond at the bottom of the drain - 20 october 2017 |
||||||
|
||||||