introspective periscope : peeking inside since Y2K ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- auction injection dystrophe watching for the mailman - fourth of march, 2002 "yellow skies...i can see you in yellow skies. see you again. i'll see you again in my dreams in my dreams in my dreams in my dreams."~the cranberries when i really sit back and think about what i accomplished yesterday, its practically detestable but at the same time, delightful. i don't know when i plunged the ebay needle into my vein but i won four auctions yesterday for the following items: 250 amber beads, 25 gunmetal glass beads, 50 wooden beads, and a heart shaped amber pendant. i am currently the highest bidder for three other auctions, one for a HUGE MASS of various beads and beading supplies, one for the beloved record player, and another for some mottled tube beads that are all metallic and beautiful. i don't know why i never thought to look there before for the things i want. while i'm off at thrift stores searching through questionable merchandise, people are making room in their living rooms and getting rid of perfectly good players....while i'm searching through bead stores and craft stores when i travel or come upon them, people are selling gross numbers of exactly what i'm looking for online. strange. but when i think about how wrapped up in the hunt and kill of it all, its sadly disturbing. while toby did the piles of dishes and cleaned the counters and swept the floor, i pointed and clicked through two thousand photos of bead prospects. while he put the laundry away and vacuumed the bedroom floor, i searched through amber jewelry. while he cleaned, i wasted time. while he was industrious, i was pathetically imobile. and while he sleeps late into this afternoon, i am here, watching the last hour and a half of the record player auction, determined not to be outbid as i was while i slept. my dreams have been riddled with a familiar face and that bothers me a lot. friday night was one of the worst, drifting off to sleep and picturing all too familiar crimson sheets and hearing in my head music that i've not heard in years. azure eyes burn into my dreams and disintegrate with morning. never trust boys with blue eyes. happy bidding. god. shoot me. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- .what came before. - .what happened next. a diamond at the bottom of the drain - 20 october 2017 |
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