introspective periscope : peeking inside since Y2K ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- friday night nostalgia softly into night - twenty first of september, 2001 "west-side-west-side-girlfriends-girlfriends are the best kind of girlfriends"~Jude i cant help but get a little nostalgic. when she chimed that silly aol instant messenger chime and the box appeared on the screen, i didn't really expect to talk for an hour. and when she had to go, i was left with thoughts of the times past, of plans for the weekend, and feelings of general comradery. (there are others like us, darling boy.) its strange how experiences just come and go and you enjoy them but you never really got a chance to soak it all up. now, i'm left remembering things in such a non-linear insequential order. did i nail the super square to the wall before they got there or did i get that nail from jess? and did we start painting the walls to the tunes of bednoises coming from jess' room or was she just sleeping some sunday afternoon and it was variations of punk rock and whatever else i could find? i think i remember that afternoon. i think we drank a lot of beer that same night. (sunday sunday sunday was it?) i think that was the night that mark called to tell me the news about he and toby. i think that was the first time i really honestly understood that certain technique that used the white of the wall to mix with the perfect shades of purple. she was gorgeous, that painting impromptu. and i have a short attention span. i should have done more with her. our house was so decorated but it wasn't the decor that made it home. it wasn't just the christmas lights glowing pink and blinking sporadically. it wasn't just the hanging cds or the food collage in the kitchen. it wasn't the mold in the bathroom or the writing under the toilet seat. it wasn't the way we wrote the most noteable quotes on the walls with permanent marker: i dont need help. it wasn't that we never locked the door. it wasn't that we existed on macncheese or that brad existed on pasta and chicken and italian bread. it wasn't that our answering machine messages were so hysterical. it wasn't that we held the very best keg parties. it wasn't any of that. in that year in that treehouse, i made a wonderful friend that i don't write to or about often enough. there were times when i wanted to say things that i couldn't. there were times when i wanted to console her just a little bit but didn't know the words and silence was uncomfortable. there was Undressed and popcorn. We had Ben Stein and Saturday Night Live reruns and macaroni and cheese. We laughed a damned lot. *DUDE*, did we laugh. I don't get to see my friend enough but she's in my thoughts often. she's taken my darling Yvette and Pierre. She's got my SuperSquare. she's got a piece of me. and next weekend couldn't come soon enough; there's so much to which i look forward. jude is coming to that small town we knew for so long. toby is coming up. i've needed him. i've needed the coming break from the politics and the overtime and the stress of just coping with the world spinning uncontrollably on around me. nothing phases me anymore; i can't help my numbness to the big things. i can't help the way i think. i can't help that the only things i want to feel are good and happiness and love and that i'm overwhelmed with this need to cut out the bad. i can't help that when He said, "move forward, continue with your lives" it was so easy to leave all of it behind in exchange for a better brighter happier future. i'm going to be happy. sometimes, it takes the chiming in of a good friend from the past to remind me of the happiness i've known before...to remind me of the good things to come. looking forward. i am. of course i am. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- .what came before. - .what happened next. a diamond at the bottom of the drain - 20 october 2017 |
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