introspective periscope : peeking inside since Y2K ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Moving New Mexico a much more reasonable time. - twenty sixth of march, monday....the second since midnight. wow. so i told my parents about quitting skool. it went a lot better than i thought. my dad, who found out via aol instant messenger (a way i would not ordinarilly use for such news, but i have no long distance and he never calls) said "$$$$". Right. I think that means that I'm paying for everything by myself. No shit. That was the plan. Complete independance. My mother sighed but is encouraging, as always. Nevertheless, I'm suprised. I finished Mikey's flames for his drag show today. I hope they're what he wants. If not, I don't know what to tell him other than look, dood....be more specific next time. I hate guessing. I think I'm growing up all at once, or something. I look around and I realized today that I'm surrounded by these people that I don't even know; people that don't understand where I'm coming from. I mean...how could they, really? they're nineteen and twenty. When i was their age, i was living in a crackhouse and barely getting by. I have come a long way. I guess it seems like I'm giving up, quitting after I tried so hard to get back. I think I've learned so much being here at school again, but I've also learned that my "you can't do anything without a degree" theory is bunk. I know I can do more if I could just get to it rather than putz around taking classes that waste my days and make me irate. I will go this one alone. I'm not depending on anyone else here, except for maybe Tim to be understanding and a good roommate. I think the living situation will be a good one. I'm glad for it. I'm glad for having Tim around lately. Not just for the company, am I glad, but also for the support. Anyway, the point right now is that there is snow on the ground and I'm really getting sick of snow. I wrote some of this last night, and then its freestyle from there, so enjoy. this one goes out to that kid that's probably sixteen by now with the web page at http://web.triton.net/clandj/girlfriend/. Oh. And virtual dancing to Billie Holiday....I think its good for the soul. Everyone should try it. Hugs and licorice to everyone. be well. ~Moving New Mexico~ i get the feeling its time to pull up roots and move away west, cuz isn't west the way that everyone goes when they get like this? perhaps on to New Mexico where it doesn't snow in March. yeah, i've been thinking i'd like to leave it all beh ind, like to take my guitar case and a few changes of clothes and let the sun rise behind me cuz its spring but i'm only feeling colder and there is nothing more lonely than feeling alone in a crowded room of strangers you know well and i know a lot of familiar strangers and a lot of empty conversations and i rather more enjoy talking to myself. so maybe its time to move west, perhaps to new mexico, with the exotic ring in its name and maybe i'll meet that boy who wrote that web page "hello my future girlfriend" and i hope he's doing well, and i hope he's staying warm... i've been watching the weather channel and making it my new best friend, watching jet streams cross over the east, watching the southwest stay pink and red and orange in warm delight. and when i look around this place, at the empty memories and get that ache in my heart, yeah, when i look around at this place, with the girls with blank faces and the boys with iron hearts, i get so i can't breath anymore and i'm told the air is better out there, anyway. i get the feeling its time to pull up rotting roots and move away west of here... i get the feeling its time to start over, time to go where nobody knows where i've been, nobody knows who i am.... i get the feeling its time to move new mexico. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- .what came before. - .what happened next. a diamond at the bottom of the drain - 20 october 2017 |
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