introspective periscope : peeking inside since Y2K ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- on mondays 5:11 p.m. - 2001-04-02 "don't be a crybaby when there's wood in the shed, a bird in the chimney and a stone in my bed...when the roads washed out, we passed the bottle around and waited in the arms of the cold cold ground."~tom waits i bleed pretty regularly. today was....i guess i'd call it constructive. i woke later than usual for a monday but, please consider that i've been staying up a lot later than usual, too. i'm starting to appreciate my free mondays. they're mine. i haven't set the clock by my bed ahead yet. its a sort of dumb experiment in sleeping patterns. i will sleep by that clock, except for when i have to get up for class. let everyone else get up. i've got my hour back. alright. i'm a tool. i woke up and showered. usually, i bum around for a few hours before i do that on mondays, but i had a lot that i wanted to do today. i dressed and pet verbil goodbye for a little bit and headed to the big bird (giant eagle grocery store for those of you who are not western pennsylvanians.) i picked up some purina puppy chow: balanced nutrition blend. i think my dog eats better than me, sometimes. i got my free cream cheese with five dollar purchase. i don't know what i'm going to do with it. i h ave some bagels. *shrug* hey. it was free with coupon. i got some tagalong iced cream. it is, after all, a limited edition flavour. i don't know what my preoccupation with ice cream is these days. i dont' eat it often, but i think that i might like some a lot. again, i note: i am a moron. i came home and fed the hungry pup. she wagged her tail and shook her ass for an hour over the little squeaking cheeseburger i also purchased. i have a feeling that i might live to regret buying a toy that makes noise for that goober. but, i am a sucker for my dog. i had a turkey sandwich and a glass of cranraspberry juice for lunch. i was happy. it must be getting towards spring. i can feel the "turkey sandwich and macncheese as a food staple" season moving in. i'm glad for it. today, i wore a shirt that hasn't been on my body since last october; since indian summer. it was a good feeling. granted, i had to wear a sweater, too, but i was content. after lunch, i leashed my dog and we headed for mac park. the fetch thing that she has been working on: a complete success. the sun was warm on my face, but the breeze still had a little leftover chill of late winter. i was glad for my scarf. although its been raining a lot lately, the hill at mac park, littered with tall oak trees and those little park barbeque grilss, was very dry. i found a patch clear of branches downed by this winter's snow. i sat and watched my puppy run. sometimes, i like watching instead of running. days like today when i ache. i hate this part of the lunar cycle. she ran and ran. i watched the shadows of clouds play across the field and horse track. i watched the muscles in my dogs legs ripple as she dashed around trees and hurtled sticks. i lit a cigarette and breathed the smoke along with the air. i am happy, even in this dull pain that is menstrual crampage. i found myself slipping in and out of meditation on the cool ground, finding my head clear and then, snapping back to make sure that verbil hadn't attacked one of the senior citizens walking the path around the park. i thought of a lot of things. i thought of him. how he makes me smile like i smile when i see the shadows of clouds rolling across the sunny ground. i thought of nacho and wondered what she is doing today. i haven't seen any of my roommates yet. i'm glad for it, though. i remembered that this weekend is the ani difranco concert. when it started to get late, we headed back to the house. i did some other chores around the house that i'd planed to do today. nothing says love like picking up puppy poop from the yard. as germaphobic as i am, its my puppy. i vaccuumed the house. and now, here i am, listening to the tape that i made for him a second time. checking it a final time before i break those little squares out of the top and make it as permanent as it can be, considering some masking tape will render it defenseless against being recorded over. i work tonight. i stil haven't stopped thinking about how i intrude on the lives of others at my job. i haven't considered it really since last year when i started. regardless, i have to go there now. it pays my bills. it pays my rent. it buys food for puppy and for me. it pays for pimpwagons and pending repairs. be well, cats. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- .what came before. - .what happened next. a diamond at the bottom of the drain - 20 october 2017 |
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