introspective periscope : peeking inside since Y2K ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- if it wasn't for that oprah mag... dead before the snow - forteenth of january "you were so in love that it was all you could talk about and i think i felt a little left out. you were on cloud 9 all the time while i was levelling. i was wringing my hands and you were revelling."~ani difranco so he's got his stuff all figured out, then. there'll be a move out of state...to upstate new york. there'll be three years of rolling semester classes at the culinary institute of america. and then, its off to manhattan, he supposes.....and then he asks me about what i want. he asks me about my goals. and when he first asked me that, i got angry because i didn't have it figured out. i'm twenty five and he's thirty and i have, to be fair, five more years to really figure something out and lets just live it day to day for now, yes? but then there was something...well, a series of things, really...and i've got some sort of plan thats been written in the soft play-dough blue of my mind's eye...soft enough to rub out if i change my mind, but clear enough to follow through. it may have been the truck driver that came into our office to pick up a box of cereal. he gave me a card and told me to call. he said they'll pay for my training if i work for them for a year. he said i pretty much choose the sort of runs i want. i can come home every night. i can go out for weeks at a time. so there's that. this truck driver thing that has its disappointing to my friends side and then, on the other face, its all romance and a girl and her dog on the road and the time to think about what i really want for my life for a few years while he goes to school....and the music and the country and the open road and the stories. and the book i can write when i'm ready to get out and raise some munchkins, if thats what we decide we want. all of this possibility. and then there was the oprah magazine that was sitting on top of the microwave that i snatched, originally for the coveted oprah/madonna interview that ended up being this huge motivational hooplah that got me pulling out the yoga mat and measuring out the portion sizes and all kinds of ridiculousness that i'd given up on lately. so there's that...waking up without an alarm at nine thirty, feeling fully rested and then doing my daily dozen poses for an hour or so and then some special k redberries for breakfast (if you let them sit in the organic milk just long enough, its like fresh strawberries and thats yummy) and off to work feeling all zen and confident. and it feels like we've got all of these plans that are on their way to coming true...not thinking so hugely that we drown in the self doubt and impossibility... and there was the bit about investing some that came up...and the talk of buying a house in a few years. so while he's got his plans, i've got mine...seeing the country....loosening up hamstrings and relieving my stresses...a new life altogether. so i'm not really without a goal so much now. which is sort of like having a resolution. sort of like being resolved. sort of nice to have some direction. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- .what came before. - .what happened next. a diamond at the bottom of the drain - 20 october 2017 |
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