introspective periscope : peeking inside since Y2K ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- city blues passing - twenty third of january, 2002 "welcome to machine."~pink floyd he set the alarm to ultra loud scare you awake mode. i don't know why i've been letting him set it as if making it louder and earlier is really going to coax us out of bed any earlier than we want to sleep-we are the king and queen of the snooze alarm. funny, i was never like this before. i think he influences me more than i realize. we woke...no...jumped up...to the sounds of the classic rock station, left there since sunday playoff football. its all grey out and it was raining and there was this strange smell of burnt something on the air when we finally returned home from doing the first wave of laundry. and today is this strange big day on so many different levels. i mean...i'm up. before noon. for a semi-depressed girl (semi because yeah, i lost my job. only semi because i've got good friends who meet me for coffee and talk and keep my spirits high and encourage me) is early. i'm up and the coffee is brewed and i've got this mental list of things to do that should keep my mind busy for most of the day. there's more laundry and then, the drive to oakland to meet brian for STD testing. i think this is the most relaxed i've ever been for the ritual, really. while toby trims unwanted hair, i'm steady and thinking of questions that i want to ask the person. and no, i'm not going because i think i've got anything...not at all....moreso because we all like the support of it. brian finally met someone that he likes and glows about and i respect him for wanting to be tested before things escalate. and it never hurts to get checked out. and so i calmly look forward to this afternoon in a sort of sickening way. and after that, we'll finally meet the new boy at Fuel&Fuddle. This is where my mind is sinking into the armchair of memories. and its not that i ever loved him like i love toby...but he was a part of my life for just about as long. and oakland always makes me remember. the only thing i can't muster in my memory is the exact smell of the tower dorms...a scent that i will recognize for the rest of my life. there weren't always good times with dave but the times weren't always bad, either. and we'd walk across forbes avenue and down a block or two and sit across from each other at the resteraunt and he'd get buffalo something with only ketchup and i'd get those bayou blues wings and we'd just stare at each other and i'd be all thankful for the loud music that drowned out the convesation because....well, there wasn't much to talk about. oh. and he chewed loudly and that grosses me out. but i've been back once before since dave with friends and it all rushes over me like a march breeze. the very thought of being out of the car for long in oakland sort of gives me chills but, much as mark is going to have to face toronto and all of those memories, i suppose its time to face some of mine. things are good for me, jobless as they may be. i've got to get the resume together and get it to verizon. i'm told that i've got the sort of experience they're looking for. we shall see. i can't see having this much lack of schedule for much longer, nice as it may be. funny. i never thought i'd need structure. until, cats. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- .what came before. - .what happened next. a diamond at the bottom of the drain - 20 october 2017 |
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