introspective periscope : peeking inside since Y2K ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- counterweights to complaint thoughts for rachel - 17 april 2o15 "i know that we're takin' chances, you told me life was a risk / but I just have one last question...will it be my heart or will it be his?"~city and colour i feel like everything i've written here about moving back to pittsburgh has been a lot of bellyaching about how i don't want to go and how i'm settled in here and how my roots have gotten deeper than i ever would have expected in just 12 months. and listen, all of that is true...i found a place that feels like home. it is perhaps the most beautiful magical place i can ever remember spending time. from the crazy evergreen forests dappled with white birch and other deciduous trees to the smell of the balsam and mud this spring and the thaw of all that snow to knowing that right around the corner, there is another glaringly beautiful summer that calls for late night drives and visits to the shore and maybe a trip to canada and hundreds of miles of walks with new friends in new forests that probably hold as much magic as my own. my friend nick keeps telling me about walks along the shoreline and a hike further north that i'll love. the canoe race should just be kicking off another one of those amazing-summers-of-my-life that i'll always hold dear like that summer i spent in indy alone when i was maybe 19 and bells and i puddle jumped our way through midnight thunderstorms and i spent all that time happily alone...like that summer i crossed the fort pitt bridge on my bike the first time to land at point state park...like that summer on south fifth when we played games all those nights on the candlelit porch, drinking fancy beers, and laughing at the moon. i feel like every single summer here would be something to remember inasmuch as every single winter would match it in intensity and white-frosted beauty. this place has become home. but really, homesweethome is more than that, right? i keep reminding myself that home is more than the city where you're from or the city where you sleep. home is where my little family is--jones, party of 2 please. the rest of it is just geography. so here they are...the reasons, the things i'm looking forward to. i've got a plethora that i haven't even remembered yet so hey, if your name isn't there or our secret place isn't mentioned, know that it's no less special to me and i'm looking you up because man, that's what we do when we're in the 'burgh or whatever, right? okay....so...a dream deferred on account of pierogies, i guess... big beers at little places. sunday brunch and bloody mary bars. the house of a thousand beers. popup food truck things. pittsburgh taco truck. riding bikes on the riverfront trail. taco tuesdays. the feel of the city in my tan summer skin. sandals in the city. the smell of sweat on the south side in summer. the three rivers arts fest. wyep and essential public radio. the rex theatre. 2 for 5 milkshakes happy hour at the milkshake factory where it's red velvet or nothing...except that really, i'll try anything. the sound of trains no matter where you are. the dog park with amber and nick and sam and frank and buddy and fisher. shooting guns with tom and patty coleman's fucking stuffing balls and you know, the whole handsome coleman family and those redding run ramblers. while we're at it, the proximity to indy and ashley and jason and ed and peggy down the pike and patty and rich on south fifth street, steel city sammiches, and the brown hotel. riding bikes on the hoodlebug trail. and let's not forget proximity to my goddamned meat processor! oh, how i've missed the interesting custom cuts of meat that aren't red hot dogs or pot roasts. inclines in the city. gobs--i don't even like gobs but i'm sick of apologizing for not saying 'whoopie pie'. the west end overlook and the view from the west end bridge. coming out of the fort pitt tunnel at night just like in my second favorite book, the perks of being a wallflower. the way the squirrel hill tunnel looks after all the renovations when they ripped out the ceiling and now it's all gothic and gorgeous and nobody really seems to notice. biking to festivals. taking the T for free in the city and over to the north shore--bikes welcome! wing nights every night somewhere. rachel' and andy's house for porching and fires. sharing this city with my little boy. the carnegie museums of natural history and art. the carnegie science center. the warhol museum, the mattress factory. maybe getting into crossfit again, lifting things, flipping tires, getting stronger. the bike trail that goes from downtown out the ohio river to the beautiful old mostly broken down jail that has so many smashed windows that nobody would believe there are still prisoners there but guess what? there are! taking picnic lunches to washington's landing and maybe to the point. sandwiches! walking on the south side past the Beehive and stopping in at the Culture Shop for a giant box of nag champa and maybe wandering down to south side works to take in a movie at that quiet private little theatre that nobody ever goes to or to stop in at sur la table to try out that shun chopping knife that i love so much but will never buy for myself. racing trains on my bike along the monongahela river. polish food, jewish food, did i mention bloody marys and small batch hipster vodkas that taste smokey and taste good with house cured bacon? church food, local food, the Zenith Tea Room brunches, indian food, ethiopian food...so much food to stuff in our maws that you're damned right we better get our fat asses back on those damned bike trails. joking about trying to ride up that hill in greenfield. that fucking city at night. the reflection of the fountain on the water at night. the way the city disappears on foggy mornings where you can't tell if it's there anymore. the way the sun shines at sunrise and sunset and makes PPG place glisten. rivers casino where we only play the free slot play and then we get the hell out of dodge. mariokart with mark and elan. game nights with mike powers. all those beers at smokin' joes. making rae a peanut butter chocolate pie for her birthday because when that woman smiles, my heart warms a little bit. roadtrips to erie to see frank and gerri and erin and jeff and sarah and pat. roadtrips to ohio to see the piper family and also beers. the view from the cathedral of learning. that lovely little french bakery in lawrenceville with the croissant. volunteering for pittsburgh cares and really getting involved with the apiary and volunteering in their gardens and maybe getting some hives of our own. elizabeth and matt and violet and odessa. hikes at mcconnell's mills. roadtrips to dc. ice cream. burritos at mad mex with rachel and not just on her birthday. roller derby. pnc park and a baseball game or maybe more than one with that fella if he ever does come. swimming at the lake, swimming at my parent's house, and maybe even being brave enough to take the little guy to the wave pool. the giant eagle market district for a super hot date grocery shopping with anyone who'll go. sushi. accordion music and polka festivals. johnstown. frick park... all of that good stuff and i know, truly, i'm just getting started. there are things about home that i miss. there are arms i miss tangling up with in a hug. there are games i haven't played in over a year because i didn't have anyone with whom to play them. so we're going home. little guy gets to know his grandparents and his uncle and his gay uncles and his fairy godparents and the whole damned village that is gonna raise him up with all the love we have....collectively. yeah. it's breaking the hell out of my heart, each one of these beautiful sunny days that promise warmer weather and spring...but like she said...it's the right choice for the little guy and probably will be the best choice for me even if i'm all vinegar about it right now. maybe we would've gotten stuck here, hung up on all this beauty and magic and lobster. when we find home, we'll know it. maybe, after all of it, home is an open road. xo, jones ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- .what came before. - .what happened next. a diamond at the bottom of the drain - 20 october 2017 |
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