introspective periscope : peeking inside since Y2K ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- still pretty 12:00 p.m. - 2007-06-23 "...but there�s no truth in the heart of any of it...just the brilliance and the passion and the bitterness remains."~courtney love all of this care. this precision. plucking one single stray eyebrow. the slowness of pulling a razor across skin. and for what? is it for the boy with the glasses and the beard and the strange posture across the street? is it for the man in virginia with a voice that you haven't heard since it changed from the voice of a boy of eighteen to that of a adult--that you imagine to be gentle and deep and full of meaning? is it for the hope that he might come home again and you want him to know that you didn't let yourself go after it all happened? is it for your friends who don't want to see you fall apart? why all of this care? right this moment, as i prepare to visit friends who know me well...those people who find meaning in that which is never spoken out loud...i know that i am partly doing it for all of those people and for all of my secret reasons and for reasons i don't even know about myself...but mainly, i think i'm doing it because if i don't, it would not be so far from the truth to say that i be completely taken apart. it is there. it is a thin gague of fishing wire holding it all together but it is there. i am face to face with my humanity and my own resilience. it can be a pretty package even if the contents are mangled and ruined. i've got to keep up this appearance. if not for them, then for me. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- .what came before. - .what happened next. a diamond at the bottom of the drain - 20 october 2017 |
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