introspective periscope : peeking inside since Y2K ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- On My Way To Well 01:13:03 - 2001-01-19 Live from Cranberry: s'me. Alright, kids...the scary stuff is coming up in about thirteen hours. I'm bracing myself, but the impact won't be so bad. I need to give my family props for doing the family thing...for caring. I need to give my two best buds in the world (if not the universe) serious thanks for listening to the ramblings of maddness...for caring enough to take me seriously when I most needed it. This one, a little pre-Dar Williams "what do you hear in these sounds?" number, goes out to my biggest fan who wears the best cologne. Thank you. I love you. *hugs and fuzzball contacts* *On My Way to Well* i don't quite know how to thank you for bringing me some reality, for giving me another vantage viewpoint. i don't quite know how to show you how much i appreciate all you've ever done for me. when its all been so bad dreamlike, when every dull grey empty face that walks by me gives nothing back but blank stares and unfeeling ghostly glances, you're there to knock out clock out the surreal with your blinking eyes and the life inside you that beats any left hook... so vibrant and as feeling as i remember myself... the old self, the one that laughed. i still laugh, you know, but its only because the things that come from your mouth are like the things that eminate from mine: silly and cosmic and spacey with a hint of satire (or is that sarcasm?) and a touch of truth... and a dash of sado-masochistic pain that we both clutch so close. yes, i still laugh, but even the sound of my laughter is faint, distant, even, sometimes.... and i know you know what i mean. i can't stop playing the same cd over and over again, sending me on an endless journey through the woods of memories and emotions, towering treescapes of issues to forge, cold and muddy and dark. On occasion, just when i need it most, i come upon the scattered clearing, the light in my forest that is you. I could set up camp in you for the night, I know that you can keep the dark away.... at least til sunset and even then, you're the stars in a clear sky.... you make me feel so good. I don't quite know how to thank you for thursday night coleslaw and clarity... for being there when i need you most (cuz you always are) and for believing in me when I simply cannot.... for giving me a reason to stick it out, to stick around, to stick it to 'em.... for naming my talents when i'm in doubt, for smelling like comfort, for relating: ain't nobody who relates to me like you. and there was a time that i loved you for the wrong reasons, a time when i loved you the wrong way... but only because that love had to grow. i know that now. and now i've got it right, the love of my closet kindred, the love for a brother who doesn't share my blood but one who cares for me as if the same thick crimson pumped through our veins. and i'd give anything to hug you right now, to be your clearing in the forest that our lives have become... (when DID our lives become more than the just the back yard?) i don't quite know how to thank you; i don't quite know how to show my appreciation... you've given me the vantage view, you've given me some advantage and i'm on my way to well, maybe, this time. thank you. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- .what came before. - .what happened next. a diamond at the bottom of the drain - 20 october 2017 |
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