introspective periscope : peeking inside since Y2K ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- all these wild things 2:38 p.m. - 2014-06-23 "it hit me like an act of God causing my alarm / that i had not become a cephalopod, i still had legs and arms...yes, I still had legs and arms!"~andrew bird i'm not sure how or why it's happening, but america, it looks like your jones is becoming quite a morning person. for nearly a week now, i've been in bed at a reasonable hour--coming home from work sleepy is new for me. usually, i can't sleep for several hours after i arrive home. the sun is brightening the sky by the 4am hour and is full on by 6am or so. i'd thought about some room darkening shades for my room which has windows facing east but...you know...i think i'm going to hold off on that. by 6:15am, brad from next door is up and out in the yard with sam's best friend orla. every morning, orla must come wandering over here and he invariably yells, "orla, no, come on! let's go! over here!" yesterday, when i was spending some time with brad and michelle, i joked about how i know that it's about 6 or 630 when i hear him and that i can safely go back to sleep for awhile if i want. this morning, i heard him quieter and closer and trying to get her to come back with more of a brad-whisper. i'm afraid he mistook my joking about it for wanting him to stop. it has become a regular part of my morning that i've become rather endeared to so i messaged michelle to tell him that he doesn't have to be quieter. he is the neighborhood rooster! this particular morning, it was still very early and the sunshine lit up my bedroom. the cotton sheets were just warm enough to be cool in the summer morning sunlight and i read for a little bit. reading again with no distraction has become one of my favorite reclaimed habits. i'm finding lots of reasons to enjoy my time alone. the best quiet mornings start this way...when i don't have to tear myself away from the fluffy pillows and cotton sheets and perfect light too quickly. after i read a bit, i got a quiet early morning shower and was dressed and in the kitchen before sam ever cracked open one of his big droopy old man eyelids. i love that he is so tired and content here that he sleeps through my morning rituals these days, waking only when he knows it's time to get going to the woods. cal was in the front yard moving the rest of the bramble out of the bit of woods he has been working to clear. he must start as soon as the sun is up. he is planning on expanding our parking a little (though i'm not entirely clear why?) i suppose it'll be a little more tricky for us to get out of here come winter when the snow is plowed to the edges. "good morning, cal!" i always call to him, startling him from his old-man morning thoughts. "oh! good morning!" he always greets me, happily. i worry that the sweet old man is working way too hard on some of these summer days. unlike my handsome dad or the weird old neighbor down the lot a bit, cal won't work outside without a tshirt on and i know he's hot when he strips down to just his jeans and white under-shirt like some very old james dean. i make him drink water and talk to me for a little bit sometimes just to get him to slow down a little. and because he tells the best stories. i never really had a grandfather that i got to grow up with and i swear cal and chickie (his wife) are about the best people a girl could find to adopt for grandparents in a strange place. "you are positively radiant!" he kept saying. i blushed, as per the usual. i'm not sure what to say to people who keep saying this...i'm not used to this kind of attention, honestly. usually, they're telling me that i'm glowing or whatever. cal is the first one that has used the word radiant and it kind of bowled me over. "any man who is worthwhile loves a pregnant woman! how could they not? you're so beautiful! you're going to find a good man if you keep shining like that!" i think it's funny that cal brings up my finding a man to love me pretty frequently...i think that comes from his being wise to the whole ian-story. that and whatever my mother said to him seem to have made him protective...he always wants to make sure i feel assured that i'll find someone and that i'm happy and that i'm feeling safe. he has told me several times that he intends to protect me...which amuses me but at the same time, really does make me feel safer. i don't know how to explain that i'm just fine on my own, though. because i am. "we've just got to make sure you're evenly yoked," he notes at least once a week. i'll take that advice...because he's right. oh, cal. i don't see what everyone else is seeing so i'm going to just take all these kind words and tuck them away for when i'm not feeling so hot about myself...everyone has those days. thankfully, with everything that has happened this year, i haven't had so many of them at all. i'm down nearly 10 pounds in two weeks and pretty proud and motivated to keep up my new daily walking-in-the-woods habit. 3 more pounds to go and i'll be back to my pre-pregnancy weight which i'd worked so hard for back at the end of winter. i'm determined to be able to keep up with this baby. nothing has ever motivated me quite like this before. "it's okay to lose weight but make sure you're not restricting your calories," my midwife wrote to me. i have been eating so well and so cleanly that i could eat all day long and i'd still be losing weight, i think. today i received 2 care packages...it was one heck of a mail call, america. brian sent a tote--that lucky dude got to go see the taping of carl kasell's last show as scorekeeper on "wait, wait...!" i listened to that particular show a couple times, getting a little teary because he has been a part of my radio-listening life for so many years...he was even on our answering machine when my dad won on the show once (winning with the answer "low-rise jeans"...who knew that dad knew what they even were?!) i will carry my new tote-bag into the grocery store proudly! erin sent me a new book called An Awesome Book! by dallas clayton. when i read it, i got a little teary (seeing a pattern, here, america? my friend sarah says i'm crying so much because i'm a hormonal wasteland. she is probably right.) she also included a box of organic raspberry leaf tea (i've been consuming gallons of this stuff lately) and a softie octopus that she knitted--probably meant for the little bird but you know...you can't send tentacles to this girl and think she's going to share. okay, okay...i'll share. i'm thankful for the knitters in my life even if they do want me to find out what sort of kid will be coming out. strangebird's mom scoffed at me, "you make it very hard for knitters if you don't find out the sex of the baby." but i'm still not going to find out, guys. this beautiful little purple and yellow octopus is going to be a treasured creature in our little home. yesterday, i found out that brad's wife, michelle, is also a real photographer. i have been a little sad about not having any real pictures of myself being pregnant, especially as it is quickly becoming more evident. the most i can manage are lame selfies for my instagram-that-sucks. i'm looking forward to having her take some real portraits. i know how much i love seeing pictures of my mother when she was pregnant with my sister, brother, and me. she was so beautiful. it'd be a bummer not to have any of myself when i'm feeling more beautiful than i ever have in my life. so i'll sort out some dresses and maybe she can even take some at my favorite spots in the woods....i've got so many of them now... i started writing a little storybook for the kiddo last week after a few of my adventures in the woods. it isn't hard to come up with fantastic stories in there. today, sarah piper commented on one of my photos saying "you live in a storybook." it's true, though. i'm so lucky that this is my home now, for however long i stay. i'm thankful that i get to immerse myself in the beauty of this wild place with it's creatures that make noises in the woods at night and giant interesting bugs and birds i've never seen before...my imagination is taking me on all sorts of adventures when i go walking in that magical forest. i asked him if he'd go for walks with me sometime if i steal him away to maine for a visit. "of course." i can't think of anyone i'd rather take into those woods with me. you know...i'll just keep the stories of the giants and the witches and the fairies to myself. nobody would believe me anyway. radiantly yours, america, jones ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- .what came before. - .what happened next. a diamond at the bottom of the drain - 20 october 2017 |
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