introspective periscope : peeking inside since Y2K ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- blahblahblah the daily grind - 30 july 2014 "please slow it down...there's a secret magic past world that you only notice when you're looking back at it--all I wanna do is turn around. i'm going down to sleep on the bottom of the ocean."~rocky votolato america, you were so brutal today but you know, i forgive you. it's just that while i'm mostly made out of magic, i can't magic everything...but i'll try. it's weird to be back on the phone after so many days away. still, i feel like it's good to be back and fixing things and you know, talkin' to ya'all...you're the lights of my life. no, but really...how many more days until the weekend? i woke up early today and spent most of the morning running around town getting everything taken care for for the plates on the new car. i thought pennsylvania made things a little complicated but i would go back there in a second. first, finding the 'town office' to pay an excise tax and then back to the dreaded fucking dmv to sit and wait and watch the time disappear with what to do? i didn't bring my headphones or i might've listened to my audiobooks or something but instead of that or combing through all the garbage on facebook at blazing slow 3G speeds, i just watched the same PSAs cycle on a tiny tv at the front of the big room full of Maine-iacs waiting for whatever dmv service. wear your seatbelts, guys. seriously. after explaining to the DMV maven that the plate i was requesting was from ancient greek, the lady just kind of rolled her eyes at me, made a note to tell the person who will ultimately approve it what it means so they'll not just deny it on account of it being....greek to them? i bit my tongue when the dmv hag made a few offhand comments about what i'd paid for my vehicle and how much more i paid than someone did 3 years ago for the same model and how it was so much less safe than then because it wasn't made of metal. i'm pretty sure that my subaru has a pretty damned amazing safety rating but why argue? when i didn't bite on that one, she told me about her chevy equinox--an american car--and how much safer it is than mine. "cool," was my only reply. "my car was a gift so i think i'll just be thankful for what i've got, you know?" that seemed to satisfy her or at least let her know that i wasn't really interested in engaging in the the conversation anymore. i paid my huge chunks of money and made my way home for a quick lunch before work. so now we wait and see if some dude (who might also be a lady) in a government bureau will approve my plate request and if the little black capped chickadee (the maine state bird, another PSA informs me) plate will arrive so i can put this whole process of paperwork behind me. first world problems, america. i you know what i'm talkin' about. pretty much on par with losing those bubble witch levels, eh? yeah. that. despite the garbage wastes of time today, i was absorbing some love from afar, too, which was good. i thought that somehow i'd missed october and quasar while they were in maine and was disappointed that it was going to be many more days until i saw some familiar loved faces, before i nabbed some much-needed squeezes. "psst, we reversed our trip order. will be back in maine in about a week!!" october messaged me. my heart was happy. i didn't miss them after all! rachel messaged to remind me that she'll be here in NINE DAYS! i can't even believe that i'm about to have company in just a little over a week. i want to take rachel to all kinds of places...to the shore, for a lobster roll or three, to the woods(!!!) we'll lay in the grass and let blueberries fall in our respective mouths...or maybe we'll just make blueberry something-or-other. so i've got a lot to do here...a few boxes left to unpack but mostly straightening up and making sense of the space once and for all. it'll be good for me to get it done because my mom and her aunt are coming a little over a week after i send rachel back to andy in pittsburgh. i wish i could say that the company is motivating me but i think i'm getting to the part in this pregnancy where all i want to do is sleep... or maybe it's just the dreams. i've been waking every few hours confused, frustrated. my waking hours are spent considering and planning for my future while my dreams are busy looking back at things that i don't really want to mull over. what's the point? nothing is changing. the past is set, the ink is dry. the future needs the focus, i need to map out the draft of what comes next. this is when i'd probably be asking my physician to give me something so i can sleep but that just seems like pushing it off rather than facing it head on. and anyway, sleeping pills aren't really an option in the here-and-now so what? i've got to get more time in the woods, maybe. i've got to get myself so exhausted that i can sleep some real freaking sleep. i wonder if i'm talking in my sleep these days? i feel like maybe the talking in my sleep is what is actually waking me up...or maybe it's the kiddo moving around in there having a dance party and trying to get me to play along. whatever it is, some of these dreams are fantastic and others aren't so much...either way, they're keeping me from getting rest. you know what else is keeping me from getting rest? the idea of bringing a little bird into the world while we're at war...because america, isn't that exactly where we're heading? i need to turn off the npr and the rachel maddow and all of it again because i just need a break...but i don't. because i can't. all over the board tonight. i guess i just wanted to try to simmer down my brain a little because you got me a little frazzled today and that's not the norm for me. i promise i'll be better tomorrow, america. i'll fix you up real good, guys. promise. xo, jones ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- .what came before. - .what happened next. a diamond at the bottom of the drain - 20 october 2017 |
||||||
|
||||||