introspective periscope : peeking inside since Y2K ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- stupid girl scandalous o'clock - 16 january 2008 i am secretly infatuated with her. i have become a bit of a stalker, maybe--on par with my friend danielle, i think. the google searches, the links. data-mining at its finest. i read blogs for instants where they converse. was she telling the truth? did he delete things because he thought they'd hurt me? it doesn't matter. i can't shake it. i thought i had. now, i am creeping even myself out. the thing is, he thought he fell in love with her. her daggers have stayed the course and their poison has infiltrated my thoughts. she isn't that interesting and yet, i can't stop checking to see if there is something else. and then i feel guilty and wonder why i've done it at all. i guess that there is part of me that wants to know what was so fucking fascinating about her in the first place. and then there is a part where i want to make sure she doesn't slander him anymore, either. either way, she found me first and read my entire life. and now i found her and i have to tell you--she could never be me. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- .what came before. - .what happened next. a diamond at the bottom of the drain - 20 october 2017 |
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