introspective periscope : peeking inside since Y2K ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- a little sad given time. - 16th november, 2009 "i'd set my course for land but you well understand it takes a steady hand to navigate adulterous waters."~mewithoutYou as with any story, there are, of course, two sides. for all of my calm and collectedness and level-headed-feet-on-the-ground, there is a part of me that is entirely broken hearted. i don't know what to do with this part of me, in truth. for all of the processing a week can afford, i'm still confused about so many things. in a sense, i've tried to gain some insight into my most intimate self in solitude...as though these things hadn't meant to surface yet because, in my heart, i believed that there was going to be someone there to talk about those things afterwards. i guess i didn't completely expect to go through this sort of passage with the sense of anonymity. i expected a partner of sorts...a champion. there is a part of me that feels had and hurt but i'm trying so hard to reckon with her because, when its all said and done, i consented...for better or worse. i am sad...and lonely...and feel a tiny bit isolated. everything at once and yet, on balance, i feel so completely put together. i mean...what did i expect? one night amounts to very little, saying words you knew better than to say. and so, dear reader, you must ask yourself: for all of these little lessons, when will our hero learn? (i still believe in romance. even now.) ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- .what came before. - .what happened next. a diamond at the bottom of the drain - 20 october 2017 |
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