introspective periscope : peeking inside since Y2K

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bronchitus and the vegetarian chili weekend

home sick - eighteenth of november, 2002

"i am the subtotal of my ancestors. i carry their dna. we are representatives of a long line of people and we cart them around everywhere."~maxi jazz and robbi williams

my lungs are filled with jello. i've said it a few times and it strikes me as being the closest thing to the feeling. my lungs are filled with jello from a junior high cafeteria and its on the day when they tried to get rid of the fruit cups that were leftover from tuesday and they just threw the chunks of pears into the partially congealed industrial pan of the jiggly gelatin. and its probably lime jello. yes, i'm very sure its lime....certainly citrus.

and so, after a rather rushed affair of getting to the doctor before work and still arriving late by bus anyway, i am fighting the bronchitus within with two vials of pills with some pretty hefty side effects ranging from dizziness and nausea to hallucinations and nightmares. lets hear it for health insurance and co-pay programs.

still, for all of the horse pills i'm swallowing and all of the twisted visions, i think that perhaps, the green jello is winning.

we went to see Bowling for Columbine on saturday night with brian and jonathon. it was a delicate balance of tears and ridiculousness...of disbelief and a chorus of "what?!" at the rationalization on the silver screen. and now i have this little crush on michael moore.

its been raining an awful lot and the trees here are skeletons of what they were two months ago...having given up their leaves like lonely women in dark bars give up their phone numbers.

we got up early on sunday morning and went to the grocery store with a list of things we needed for the vegetarian chili. we spent as much time in line as we had bustling about the store with bags of juicy tomatoes and jalapeno peppers and morningstar farms soy crumbles looking for that elusive bottle of cayenne pepper. i despise grocery shopping during the after-church rush. don't you people realize that this is when we non-church go-ers go to the grocery store for our sunday meal ingredients and our movie rentals so that we can go home and indulge in an afternoon of eating, movie-watching, and snuggling under covers, napping the nap that only a rainy sunday afternoon can afford?

my parents came over. brian came. the men watched the football game, toby the sole fan of the tennessee titans (by right of hometown) and the rest, steelers fans by default. my mother shredded cheese and sauteed onions while i chopped chopped chopped tomatoes and red peppers and onions and jalepeno peppers and rinsed beans. the result was my first entirely successful vegetarian chili....a hit among the football fans.

now that my sister is gone to boston to live and work, i wonder if my parents might be getting just a little lonely. but they are busy people. strangely, though, the oppertunity to spend time at their house has been presenting itself often again...so that'll be okay, i think. with the prospect of moving in the spring (to anywhere at all....the possibilities are endless...chicago...new hampshire....portland, oregon...denver....anywhere but here) makes me worry a little bit about them. but they'll understand. we have to go.

after the game was over and the meal turned to cold leftovers, my parents left for home and brian and i and toby piled in to the big bed for a sunday afternoon nap. it was the best i've slept in a few days. my lungs rattled a faint rattle but it didn't keep me awake. there's something about that kind of warmth that can make anyone fall asleep.

so now all there is to watch for is snow. i'm craving those big heavy white flakes to fall from the sky and cover all of those dead leaves up.

because lets admit it...its getting on close to christmas. and here, in our little house, with just you and me...i'm hell-bent on making this the best christmas ever. i've got a few tricks up my sleeve.

in the meantime, its war against green jello lungs and working overtime (can you believe they'll pay me to give out free booze at the bar? funny thing, market research....) and making all the time we can for each other.

this is happiness. this is the most comfortable comfort.

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.what came before. - .what happened next.

a diamond at the bottom of the drain - 20 october 2017
baseball season to football season, abbreviated - 25 september 2017
the doodles - 11 july 2017
at arm's length - 4 july 2017
like a sea-mammal needs a bicycle - 30 may 2017

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