introspective periscope : peeking inside since Y2K

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sunset in jefferson county

waiting to go in - fifth of june, 2002

"you know its a mad mission but i got the ambition...mad mad mission sign me up"~patti griffin

we made the trip south and back again in two days. car inspected, check. sister hugged goodbye and bid well on her trip west to california. check. mother consoled. check.

do you remember last year when we made this trip? there was so much laughing and smiling and i worshipped you with all of my being, reaching across the console for your hand, fingers entwined with mine. and all of my hurt and pain subsided into barely ebbing waves of faint memory, only remembered on those nights when it rained and you weren't there to hold my heart in your hands, cradling it. tenderness.

do you remember last year when it was all fuzzy like a tiny yellow chick or a pussy willow? do you remember what it felt like to be able to hold my hand but once or twice a month, after the miles were covered and far from between us? do you know what an inspiration you were to me, then?

and that hasn't changed, you have to believe that.

and this time, yeah, i reached across from time to time and we laughed but the laughter was our everyday sharing and our comfort with being. and the laugher is different now. the smiles are different now. the touching is different now, with your soft skin brushing mine sending a different kind of electricity through me, now, something like a deep cornflower blue and something like heat lightning on a hot summer night.

and i was afraid it was getting mundane. and i was afraid that it was all coming to a screeching halt or at least a slow run. and i was afraid that the current was cutting out.

but as we put the miles behind us last night and i saw your face to the purple sunset light in jefferson county, it hit me...

this is different. but baby, i didn't know. i was under the wrong impression. and now, i can see how its changing and its getting better. more in love. more comfortable. more complete. yeah, baby, its getting better.

every. single. day.

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.what came before. - .what happened next.

a diamond at the bottom of the drain - 20 october 2017
baseball season to football season, abbreviated - 25 september 2017
the doodles - 11 july 2017
at arm's length - 4 july 2017
like a sea-mammal needs a bicycle - 30 may 2017

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