introspective periscope : peeking inside since Y2K

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thursday rambles

just after 5...its still raining - sixteenth of march, 2001-friday

still feeling sort of low...but making changes to fix everything gone askew....sort of. brian m comes tonight. mark comes tomorrow. it is sure to be a good weekend with the two most important people in my life close by. it will be nice to talk to someone that knows me well; to talk to someone that knows every curve of my thoughts; to talk to someone who isn't too shy to tell me that i'm a fucking idiot. i've been enjoying some really wonderful "rapping" (as he calls it...very great term) with a boy from another planet. he is very unreal and surreal and yet, somehow, tangible. the best part: he speaks my language. even when i've had a god awful day, he has been doing a little housekeeping of his own with my head. he makes me remember what i enjoy, what makes me happy, what stupid quirks about me i like the most. crush? heh...so what if it is?

hte nights aren't nearly as cold as they've been for months, but they are still chilly. regardless, last night, i was feeling so euphoric and so unreal. i cranked up my electric blanket and slipped nude between the soft flannel of the sheets and dozed quite soundly for the first time in days. perhaps it was the exposed organicness of being clad only in my own skin that made me comfortable enough to sleep so well. with nothing of this world to keep me thinking and pondering, sleep came easy.

i woke quite late in the day. i am sure it was nearing one o'clock.

i woke to the moans and whines of jess, who has been irritating me more and more as the weeks pass. i was never one to get along well with girlie girls, i realize this. they irritate me to no end..but for this girlie girl, i could make an exception: she has a few qualities that are admirable. in the months since she cheated on ryan and started sleeping regularly with braaaaaaaaaaaad, i have remembered why this sort of character bothers me so. having spent our bill money, the bills in my name will be late and i'm not at all forgiving. i am really looking forward to the end of the semester and the parting of ways.

Hat and his friend came by this afternoon, and the sky was the limit for an hour or so, til the munchies set in. i think i really need to loosen up here a little before i explode or implode or an impossible combination of both. it was nice to have some chemical release of tension. when they left, i did the mountains of dishes that awaited, grumbling all the while about the glasses that have milk rings dried into them, three days old. am i wrong here or is it really so hard to put water in your milk glass so i don't have to scrub the dried up lactose out of the bottom? I broke a glass. I didn't mean to. If there's one thing I won't tolerate, its lactose. (unless there are oreos involved).

after that, i watched a little bit of television. what a waste of time that idiot box can be. as i sat in front of the thing, i rang up my good friends at Adelphia and cancelled it. i'm not wasting any more time watching "mind numbing game shows". there are better things to do with my time. perhaps it will be a strange addiction to remove myself from, but its worth the experiment. i did, however, keep the basic local channels so i can get some "news" and the occasional episode of Felicity or Buffy or Dawson. (so i'm a sucker for kiddie teevee. sue me.)

I also kept my beloved cable modem, for, without it, I would starve myself of connections to bright life on the other end of all of the crystalline wire.

I suppose I should get ready for work...but I'm really trying to keep updated around here....so I can remember later what it was that made me the person I will be tomorrow. Yeah, hard determinism.

Oh. I'd also like to extend my apology (not to be confused with willful withdrawl, because i withdraw no comment without written explanation as to why i should consider it) for the Plop, Plop story. Perhaps this was some deformation of character or something...but the more I think about it, the more I laugh...er...the more I realize that it was uncalled for and humor at the expense of another. So to that girl whose name I do not know other than to call her PlopPlop, I apologize if you were offended (if by some chance you even heard that i'd been writing about you). Thats the most you get out of me, the most stubborn girl in the world.

T's tossing booze all weekend. Yeah. I'd say it was a crush. I'm working for the man. Here's to the weekend, ya'll. Drink up. Walk home. Be safe. Be well. (it sounds like public service announcement, eh?) Right. Later.

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.what came before. - .what happened next.

a diamond at the bottom of the drain - 20 october 2017
baseball season to football season, abbreviated - 25 september 2017
the doodles - 11 july 2017
at arm's length - 4 july 2017
like a sea-mammal needs a bicycle - 30 may 2017

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