introspective periscope : peeking inside since Y2K ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- please refer to pre-flight checklist. don't fall behind, now - 16 september 2014 "i'm counting on you to throw more than shapes / just so you know / it's all I'm waiting for."~the long winters the weekend was silent, mostly, which was good. work is stressing me out quite a bit. trying to figure out paperwork with the doctor's office and work is more to blame than the job itself...things have felt ridiculous talking with you lately, america. i need a little break, definitely. if my blood pressure goes up, the baby moves around uncomfortably. i'm more clearly aware of how intertwined this kiddo is with me. i'm trying to stay calm. i stayed up so late on friday night and hoped to sleep in on saturday....which i suppose i did. even sam was moving slow in the gloomy late morning. we had a small breakfast and headed for the woods. i did the 4 miles i promised myself i would do this weekend. it felt good and even though my pace is still right where i'd want it to be, i feel like it's getting more difficult to maintain it. the baby is growing really quickly now and i know it's going to snowball and i'm getting a little nervous about how fast and how little control i have over any of it at this point. i'm just one of the souls stuck in the host right now. i got the groceries and soaked beans for more falafel to take on the road...easy enough protein and the baby seems to dig cilantro and spicy. i picked up mangos to ripen for those afternoons on the beach while those suckers eat watermelon. i cut them in half and give them forks or spoons and they think it's living. i keep the mangos to myself. i bought the last pound and a half of bacon from the deli case to put inside some cookie dough. i got the cocoa powder and peppermint patties for the brownies. i've got all my spices stocked up a little to mix a mason jar of my favorite rub for some pork shoulders. i've set out the digital meat thermometer so i won't forget to bring it. my vacation shopping is completed. check. now i've got to time it all right and then i won't have to freeze them...just heaps of freshly baked cookies. i'll be the freaking bacon chocolate chip cookie witch at every stop on my way home...distributing meat to my fellow enthusiasts. i think, "maybe i should get more bacon?" (i think, "this is how it usually starts...") i slept in later than i have in years on sunday. the gloom of the day before was mostly still hanging around with an occasional break in the sky for some cool end of summer sunlight. in those sunshine moments, i was productive. i set up the chromecast, finally. i got some laundry done. i made date-night sunday dinner for myself. i finally stopped to soak my feet in hot water and epsom salts...to scrub them with coconut oil and sea salt. i took sunday slow and happy. oh, and i cooked all that bacon. see? right on schedule. this morning, i woke early and made a doctor's appointment to talk with someone about the paperwork they need to fill out. i got a long hot shower in the cold morning, the bathroom window wide open to let in the cool air...a conflict of senses in the room when i eventually pulled back the shower curtain and the steam and cold mixed. this is my favorite time of year. everything is crisp. i pulled on the clothes i've learned i should wear to the chiropractor and headed out the door. i sent sammy next door to play with orla while i was out. i made it back in time to change my clothes, pat my hound on his happy head, and get over to work. no coffee today but i sense that i'm not going to last the week without it. i'm keeping it to one cup responsibly...it's no excuse. i know the baby responds to the caffeine so i'm trying to keep it minimal....this week has a full schedule, a to-do list of things on top of getting packed, the trash out, the dishes done, the bathroom cleaned, the bed linens changed. i keep thinking of how i want to come home as much as how much i want to go away. if i'm going to get it all in and knock out these long shifts at work, i would be a whole lot nicer with minimal coffee, guys. rationalizing. on friday, i'll drop sammy at his kennel. it's breaking my heart to leave him in a strange place after all these years. he's been with me for so long and i've never had to leave him in a kennel before but who knows? maybe he'll have a blast and play with some cool dogs or something. he's a bit social now that we live here. i'm convincing myself he'll be glad to see me when i come home when i know he's going to hold a grudge for a few days, no doubt. i'll pack the car with the things to go to my mother's house and my (very likey) single suitcase, as usual. after work, i'll head south to a hotel room in albany to sleep for the night. i can manage six and a half hours after a split shift. sunset and leaves changing? yeah, i'll take that, sure. the plan is to see him again, even if it is late at night when i stop for the night. denny's or something, maybe...whatever. i just want to spend some time with him at any rate. i feel like the only way i can get to know him is to actually be in the same space--which i enjoy and appreciate. it occurs to me that this is the first time i've ever rented a hotel room for just me. i've always traveled with someone before. saturday morning, to syracuse to see my aunt and have lunch. then on to erie to see frank and gerri and maybe erin, jeff, and syl. erie. dinner. 3B's? then on to the city. i want to see my brother saturday night but i think i'm being unrealistic about over-planning. but then...my bags are already packed. i'll already be on the road so maybe i will manage the time while things are crazy at my parents'. and it would give me a reason to go visit the overlook...how could i not and be so close? i could see the observatory from my dining room across the river. that close. then we head to the beach. xo, jones ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- .what came before. - .what happened next. a diamond at the bottom of the drain - 20 october 2017 |
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