introspective periscope : peeking inside since Y2K ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- the call waiting caller and the urine test memoirs time ticking quickly - fifteenth of october, 2001 "the grass was greener. the tastes were sweeter."~pink floyd so. the strangest things. Darling T has been here for exactly one week and one day and its like..what is it like? i'm not sure. i'd say heaven, but i have this certain belief that heaven is just...well...this thing we give ourselves to make ourselves believe that really, this isn't all there is...but the heaven debate...can wait. and so, with all of this togetherness and love and the stuff that i vowed couldn't happen to me but certainly is happening and at rollercoaster pennsylvania road paces (T is SO afraid of the roads and hills and prospect of winter and oh, dare i say ice or *gasp* snow that i keep calling him a pussy and then feeling bad but laughing uncontrollably, just the same)...with all of this "starting a life together and living like adults" stuff, which, i assume means that i won't a.) be painting murals of nude purple women-trees on my walls and b.) be throwing any wild keg parties with/without kegstand footprints left on the kitchen ceiling to point and say, hey, that was me...with all of it, the strangest things keep happening. i mean, okay...we've got to find a place to live and right fuckin' quick because hotel rooms are gonna get expensive and its getting cold and that wild puppy needs to come inside where its warm (and because i'm craving a downright walk with her like you'd never believe...and i'll settle for going anywhere...the woods...down the street...across the field...anywhere) and all sorts of reasons like the fact that i won't have a place to stay in a few days either, now that mom and dad are renting out bedrooms like some sort of yuppy slumlords...but...what was i getting at? oh. so. well. i was on the phone today...calling about five million phone numbers that will probably cost the equivalent of a security plus pet plus first month's rent, i get this beep and i'm all jumpy because hey, beep...and i hate fucking call waiting...but oh. yeah. so i got a new job. great, right? the funny and somewhat...i-don't-know-what-emotion-to-pick-right-now part: i passed a drug test. as in: a test where you pee in the cup and you're not allowed to flush the toilet cuz the nurse chick in streetclothes'll do it for you and how the hell do you come by a job like that in the first place and why would you even consider playing with human urine? you did know that was urine, didn't you, lady? as in: we'll call you in three days when we know that all of the traces of THC are gone from your bloodstream cuz we know that you've smoked pot. look at your hair. druggie. as in: don't call us, we'll call you. as in: i passed it? whoa. now what the HECK does that MEAN? i was at this party this weekend and the little handpipe made its way to me and get this straight for me. i haven't smoked since my birthday. maybe longer. longer, i think...but not because i haven't wanted to...no, hardly the case. when did i forget how to unwind a little? when we applied and interviewed for the job, i'd been so confident. and T had gotten his call back right away. me? nothing. no call to say, "hey, pothead? yeah, no job for you. why don't you try flippin' burgers and don't ever even look at our store or we'll let the fuzz know where you live and what you do." nothing. til today. turns out, they gave me the background check, too. go figure. i guess they didn't find anything about how i knocked off that bank while i was stoned a few years ago. lucky me. but really. and it hasn't even occurred to me until just recently...when things are getting comfortable and beginning to look a lot more...well...like a life again...like a life that isn't phone lines and computers and telephone calls and phone bills and alarm clock mornings and work. its looking like something i could be into getting out of bed to enjoy. and now, i want my recreation back, too. so. the party. yeah. i hit that bowl with a few cypress hill lines rushin' through my head and some yeungling runnin' through my blood. funny. the day after i stopped caring and said hey, i wouldn't want a job where they drug test me anyway...the day after, its like...it never even mattered. and so i have you to thank, partly, girl...because its like i told you. sometimes, you really make me think. sometimes, i remember who i'm living for and what her values are....who she is. i'm beginning to remember what its like to be me again. until, cats. enjoy the leaves. enjoy the crisp nights and sleep well. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- .what came before. - .what happened next. a diamond at the bottom of the drain - 20 october 2017 |
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