introspective periscope : peeking inside since Y2K

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not as bad as i'd originally figured it for

good morning sunday - twenty third of february, 2003

"and if i die tonight, then i guess i die tonight."~bright eyes

i slept alone last night, but for the dog and the little three legged kitten, Tuna.

i slept alone last night and the dreams weren't bad or about terrorism or murder or blood or any kind of gore at all. in fact, they were rather new and strange and as dreams should be. i woke from time to time, but each time, the dream came back to me and continued and i think it would make a good story if i wrote it down. but i'm not going to do that. i want my dreams to keep renewing themselves for a change.

i slept alone and it was comfortable in that big bed like it has gotten to be in the mornings when you leave for work. all of that space and nobody to to shove me up against the wall. so i slept in the middle and the dog slept at my feet like she did before there was you. like she did before there was hardly enough room for her because of your feet. the exact way that made me petition for her being allowed on our bed in the first place. last night, i slept alone in our bed with a sense of finality and closure and it wasn't half as bad as i thought it would be. there were no ghosts whispering love words. there were no crushed pillows to hold and smell you. in fact, the sheets don't even smell like you, for some reason. there was nothing but a bed and a few pillows and a good night's sleep.

and sometime in the night, the tropical sounding rains that pounded the aluminum awnings over the windows turned to snow and the wind picked up and whistled something like a song that served to remind me again that its not spring here just yet. no, we've got a few more weeks of snow before the first snowbells push up through the soggy ground.

and so i brewed a cup of earl grey tea without tearing up and lamenting that it was the box that you bought for me. its just tea.

there are so many more facets of life to figure out for myself again, but i've got this renewed sense of solitary singularity again. this feeling of independence and strength that feels like waking up.

yes, i think this is best.

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.what came before. - .what happened next.

a diamond at the bottom of the drain - 20 october 2017
baseball season to football season, abbreviated - 25 september 2017
the doodles - 11 july 2017
at arm's length - 4 july 2017
like a sea-mammal needs a bicycle - 30 may 2017

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