introspective periscope : peeking inside since Y2K ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- in short explanation 01:18:53 - 2000-09-11 alright...so I suppose I'm of sound enough mind to write out some explanation for the last two entries. Some of you must know already, and some of you probably have no clue...but I'll try to be brief and to the point. I went tripping on Friday night after work with two of my good friends here at skool. I guess drugs, as with any substance, always dramatize everything so much...and acid is no exception. I'm beginning to question my ways, thats for sure. I wonder if it would break my mother's heart. I'll assume yes. There is a guy I've crushed after since I met him. Crushing is probably not the term to use, but its all I can think of now; my mind runs dry at this very moment. There is this girl that I have trusted with my most intimate feelings and well, my TRUST...which is hard for me to invest in people these days. It turned out that even a boyfriend in the east couldn't keep this massacre of my heart from coming together and the two people that I hold dear have managed to join in a way that I had reserved as holiest religion possible. The purest most breakable boy is a fake, the understanding girlfriend, speechless and no longer the listening ear I'd hoped she'd always be as I've been for her. I guess I just don't know what to do or say or think. As I said in poetry last spring (for those of you who had the oppertunity to read it or see it performed) I stake no claim to him, but this hurts more than drowning, I imagine...more than any torture my witch sisters could have endured, I trust.... There is no feeling like a broken heart. There is no feeling like hair falling to the floor. There is no feeling like an empty bed and no sound like the voices of religion through the walls. I guess I just needed to explain that....as cryptic as it might seem....I just don't know how to say it like it should be said. Aside from disaster, the keg party ended up being a double kegger, both kicked. Everyone who was there, I enjoyed the company and everyone who missed it, you missed a good time and I'm sure there are better times to come in the future. (this goes to rea and mark and all of the pittsburgh kids that I love so much: flower, really fucking hot donna, geanne {did I spell dat right} and EVERYONE ELSE) In times of trial, I am most lucky to have good friends and I am sending my deepest thanks to all of you for just being you and for being so special in each of your own ways. Trial indeed....such things are not trials, but growing up, I suppose. I'm glad I have you all to grow up with, little by little, a few days at a time. Also, rugby games are coming up and all are invited to attend and see me take out all of my agressions and spite in a more physical way rather than taking it to the keyboard...or pen...or whatever medium it comes in. I guess its another form of poetry: poetry in motion. Regardless, lots of angst and emotion here to let lease....come on out and support your girlies (nacho and I are both playing!) wont' you? Okay...this is drawing out. Love to all. serendipity ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- .what came before. - .what happened next. a diamond at the bottom of the drain - 20 october 2017 |
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