introspective periscope : peeking inside since Y2K ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- mundane as i wanna be after midnight - twenty eighth of february, 2002 "we really don't know karen by night."~jill sobule i think, maybe, that we ought to take those blankets down from the windows because, in our little cave, its all dark and warm and i never want to get out of bed. i set the alarm across the room and it doesn't seem to matter. it merely wakes me from perfect slumber, naked, next to you, and i turn it off, hoping, secretly, that it has not disturbed your dreams. all of this, and i know we need to start getting up earlier. i know it. i just can't seem to force myself to stay on my feet. when we finally did rouse up from sleep, i made breakfast...mushrooms and onions and eggs and cheese...cinnamon bagels with honeynut cream cheese....turkey bacon...coffee. it seems terribly luxurious for two such unemployed folk....but it was good, just the same. and then it was showers and cigarettes, watching that snow fall all snowglobe-esque and after a day and a night of it, the grass is still winning. maybe tonight it will stick and you will see what i mean when i say snow. but dad says its el nino again. jubliee. and finally, late afternoon, we scrounged out of the house and went to my parents'. its strange to have my sister home on spring break. i can see that my mother is happy but stressed out, feeding five of us...not too much worse that just the four of us...but cyndi's voice...so shrill and fast...its like a sort of shock therapy...an experiment in genes...a study in tolerance. i cannot, with any ounce of realism, believe that we could possibly been spawned of the same womb. she is a fake nail fake tan cell phone red headed high heel wearing r&b cosmopolitan reading specimen of strangeness to me. i struggle to see our likeness. i am glad that i have my father's nose. i look forward to my brother coming home from penn state. i miss him. this weekend will be strange...a dinner with all of us together, plus toby. strange, i tell you. the only one that won't be able to drink will be my brother and i hope that we go to the seseme inn because i love that extravagent gourmet chinese food and those maitais are really great. i can't wait to see my brother. we went to the mall, too. i knew that if my mother was going with my sister, it would behoove me to go, too...because there are always jeans to be fanangled out of my mother when my sister is around. i managed a new pair of jeans and a pink tank top for summer. i don't know where this love for pink stems from. two years ago, pink made me throw up. and now toby and i have returned to the safe haven of our home. i'm still looking for the tube and the grate for the bottom of my fish tank. its mispacked in some of the boxes that we didn't want to unpack til we have the downstairs finished. i really want some fish. a beta, maybe....but hopefully those gorgeous sunset goldfish....or maybe a black moarfish like Pierre. i'm going to *try* to make myself write as often as i used to before we got this house....i have the time...i want to get back in the habit of finding time for this page...its meant a lot to me for so long. i feel a bit detatched from it. thats my goal. one entry a day. i wonder if thats a lot? we shall see. i hope the snow sticks. until, jellyfishes. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- .what came before. - .what happened next. a diamond at the bottom of the drain - 20 october 2017 |
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