introspective periscope : peeking inside since Y2K ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- i wish that i was brad and suzie watching - seventeenth of september, 2001 "they say goldfish have no memory. guess their lives are just like mine and the little plastic castle is a suprise every time."~ani difranco or is it "ballerinas have fins that you'll never see."~tori amos so its same old same old, i guess. my nerves are still shredded like string cheese or those strips of newspaper that they use for bedding for puppies in the pet store. absolutely shredded. (i want to tear up all of the newspapers. i want to pretend for a little bit so i can breathe easy for just a few hours before we go into this, you know? its gonna be long. the man is changing his terminology. patience moves over for revenge. grief moves over for war. i can't breathe. tear up the newspapers. just today?) but anyway...i have been trying to consciously keep the talk radio fix to an absolute minimum. i've been listening to a lot of WQED..the symphony channel. i like it. on saturday nights, they play garrison. i like that. it might be said that i like dumb things, maybe. thats okay, though. sunday night was just the thing. i met brian for drinks. we went to marty's, the local dive bar where the hicks gather and yell racial slurs and drink lots of local beer and drive home drunk. its divinely horrible. its an experience. yes. now, i haven't been drinking much these days....and have become the proverbial "two beer queer". (according to south park rules, i can say that.) i had two yeunglings and brian had two rolling rocks. we talked about this and that and the other thing. we talked about my darling boyfriend and we talked about brian's phone interview for a job in washington, d.c. oish. two beers and i was a bit warm in the face. a lot bit warm in the face. and this is how it happened that i came to be the owner of two pink kissing fish. we went to visit my good friend, Satan at the local walmart and i came away with one one gallon tank, two kissing fish, multi-coloured rock, a net, fish food, and chlor-out to rid the chlorine from the township tap water. we have lots of chlorine here. their names are Brad and Suzie. I didn't know that til this morning. I woke up and said good morning and, having become more comfortable in their new home, they were more open to discussion. I was okay with that. I understand what its like to be moved around a lot. I thought one was named Gene Simmons...I was gravely mistaken. (okay...so i took the names from a Jude song. but i love that song. so blah.) i missed them all day. when i got home, i called T at work for a bit. i took a shower. i stared at them til i was sleepy. they are very relaxing. i feel my nerves starting to heal at rapid paces, but the disasters of last week are still fresh in the middle of my head. brad is big and whiter than suzie. she is a pink whore. she swims around as if she is looking for some other frat brother kissing fish with whom she might make out. brad...he sticks around the center of the tank and watches her carefully. sometimes, he swims with her. they poop wierd, too. nothing like Yvette and Pierre, my two goldfish that live with Nacho now. They seem to be a lot more clean than the french carp cousins. i like this very much. i will train them to clean my room when i'm gone, i think. brad and suzie like to stare at the back of the tank. they stare and stare. the back of the tank faces the peach painted wall. (this is my sister's old bedroom. i would never have a peach bedroom. yuck.) the sometimes swim around to the front. i mean...i assume its the front. its facing me and the rest of the room. i've been getting the impression, though, that i am in the back yard. brad and suzie are from connecticut, i think. they've got accents. i am not delirious. they have lips like gymnasts that do really amusing things. they kiss their respective reflections rather than each other...especially suzie. she is vain. brad is buff and on steroids, i think. the filter hums. the bubbles come out of the tube. the rocks are soothing. my mother thinks i'm ridiculous because i talk to them. i can't help it, though. they're very good listeners. and its rude not to say hi to the creatures with whom you share a room, i think. i am forever an idiot. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- .what came before. - .what happened next. a diamond at the bottom of the drain - 20 october 2017 |
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