introspective periscope : peeking inside since Y2K

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rat race: anything for some cheese

midnight musings - twenty third of july, 2003

"bright and early for the daily races going nowhere...going nowhere."~tears for fears

this song has been in my head all day and its creeping around and just enveloping my brain. i've spent nearly two hours browsing websites looking for gainful employment...and its so discouraging to come up with an objective...i mean...what is my objective? should i just say...i've got great customer service skills and uh, i get so angry when i see customers waiting around and being ignored by employees and it just burns me up when i hear them saying that they won't do the work that belongs to another department because its not what they get paid to do and even though the could be doing it because they're just standing around doing nothing, really...they won't even consider a few keystrokes of customer service? and maybe i ought to mention in my ten lines that yeah, i've got no real telecommunications experience but how am i supposed to get that experience if i don't get a job in the field and yeah, i'm a quick learner and can learn anything, really and that i take so much pride in the work i do, i could burst sometimes and that my integrity is so luminescent that their stars had better watch out because i am the one that will outshine any shining smile and helpful associate? i am that girl. oop. thats way more than ten lines.

*ubersigh*

and its just discouraging because how do i even know that my resume isn't just getting lost in cyberspace someplace just sitting around doing jack for me while i am running my butt off to get surveys into that office and am miserable with the waste of my life...and the cause of my work gets me so riled up and bile in my stomach because its exactly the opposite of where i want to be right now....

so its after midnight...the latest i've seen in so long and its my third entry in twenty four hours....something has to give here, because i'm caving in just a tad.

only not really because honestly, at the same time, i'm more together and on task then i've been in months.

the sites are there. i can apply to a hundred positions.

just like in my current job, its a numbers game.

when did i get so professional-esque? where did the girl go that was going to be a professor and show them that she was never gonna wear khakis and polo shirts or skirts and blouses? where did she go?

and i could cry for my mistakes but i could also make the best of what i've got....i could go back to school but then i'd only get burned out on that or bored...its funny...when eric rubenstein sent me that email that said that he was disappointed that i wasn't coming back and that he hoped i would, i honestly believed that that was my intent...but now...i'm just....losing sight of everything.

does that even make any sense?

how can i feel so on task and yet so completely at a loss for what i even want to do with my life?

yeah.

something definitely has to give.

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.what came before. - .what happened next.

a diamond at the bottom of the drain - 20 october 2017
baseball season to football season, abbreviated - 25 september 2017
the doodles - 11 july 2017
at arm's length - 4 july 2017
like a sea-mammal needs a bicycle - 30 may 2017

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