introspective periscope : peeking inside since Y2K

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insomnia

24 hour clock - 22 july 2o22

"i only smoke weed when i need to and i need to get some rest, yo, where's the cess?"~faithless

my sleep schedule is not stable, in part because of the cat. at the bright bar of sunlight that is sunrise coming up lighting up the laundry room window overlooking the street 5 stories below, he comes. i'm not sure if the cat has watched me sleep all night or if he has been curled up sleeping too. i don't even know if he was in my room. i was asleep, see. but when the light comes bursting brightly, so too does the kitten come jumping on my feet. and so nights of sleeplessness are melting into sunrise wake-ups. the cat, having gotten me up, is satisfied with his work and proceeds to snooze next to me as soon as i sit down to have a cup of coffee or pick up my sewing. bastard cat. too furry and sweet for me to be mad but please don't think i haven't considered messing with his feet right back but then then he's just a ball of total helpless cute so. i don't. i let him sleep.

the nights have been so hot that i've been sitting on the stoop for an hour or so just watching the cars pass and listening to the cicadas which have started singing in the park woods across the street.

it'll stabilize, they tell me. it'll just take getting used to the meds. would you like to try a sleeping pill? no, thank you. i'm trying to consume as few pills as possible. right now, i take 5 a day and that is plenty.

i count cars until i could almost sleep on the stoop and then i make my way up to the Bird's Nest, lock the door, and tell Google to turn out the living room lights. i used to read myself to sleep. now i count cars and play thunderstorms or cicadas or cassette hiss on a speaker that sometimes feels smarter than me. i turn on the star projector on the vaulted ceiling and try to convince myself that tonight, maybe, i'll get the rest my brain needs.

xo,
jones

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.what came before. - .what happened next.

brain candy - 1august 2o22
games - 26 july 2o22
climate change campouts - 23 july 2o22
insomnia - 22 july 2o22
try anything twice - 21 july 2022

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