introspective periscope : peeking inside since Y2K ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Drinkin'DrainO 04:12:16 - 2001-02-28 yeah, so tonight has been a building up of doubt, a fall to pieces evening and i'm getting so tired...don't know how much longer i can keep up this balancing act...but i'm trying...my god, i'm trying. i'm going home this weekend and uh...i could really use it. thank god for understanding puppies who curl up with me and sleep past noon on tuesdays because sleeping alone is getting rather raggedy and i'm beginning to think warm weather may never come...but depressing is so boring, isn't it? sorry i can't shake it cats....don't worry...its all fleeting so i don't want any emails or any of that worried shit cuz i'm just venting, okay? fear not. be just. be well. ~Drinking Drain-O on Kareoke Night~ could you help me slit my wrists even if it means we'll destroy my shirt? sucking down a drain-o cocktail, lets just sit around the oven with the pilot light off, cuz its all just getting too overwhelming and sunny days are just too few and far between, nowadays.... who wants to bother waking up anymore? its just a walmart puritan brand dress shirt, one i roll up at the sleeves like they do in the movies... i used to wear it working at denny's on those late graveyard nights, those lonely nights when i realized i'd probably never be much good at anything. yeah, slice my throat sweetly slowly, string me up, dangling like a fragile christmas ornament thats sturdy enought to last the year packed away, make me a trophy on my wall: i know a great taxadermist... besides, everything has been getting blurry anyway. I made fun of Shannon Stenko when she swallowed a bottle of white powdery pills, but if i had a vile of my own, i'd throw them back with a bottle of 99 berries and be that selfish bitch, only without that phone call cry for help... who would i call anyway? XXX-5007 ignores or hangs up; the others have disconnected completely... yeah, i'd be that selfish bitch cuz i have to be good at something, dammit... why not this? and once its all been figured out, whats the point in going on? success at something.... or its all downhill from here. so wreck my shirt, it wasn't so expensive, anyway. and between you and me, i roll up the sleeves to cover up my past, to cover up the stains of Mother Butler ice cream, the stains of Minute Maid lemonade... How do I admit that I'm a failure? How will they love me if they know? I don't want to be around when they find out, let alone be around tomorrow. Yes, make those beautiful stripes on my wrists, bleed me like a Hormel meat packing plant pig, and let me be selfish, without that, i've got no real purpose. everything has become so blurry, anyway; everything is losing focus, losing its meaning and snowballing into nothingness. i want not to exist anymore, the antithesis of what we're playing at now... i want to negate the nonsense that is me... and fall asleep forever on a stomach full of new and improved, fifty percent more superduperpowerful gets that lump in your drain gets that knot in your throat liquid drain-o. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- .what came before. - .what happened next. a diamond at the bottom of the drain - 20 october 2017 |
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