introspective periscope : peeking inside since Y2K ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- the reality of house hunting day three of forever - tenth of october, 2001 "this power's no mystery to us now."~jeff buckley its been three days now and i can't shake the familiar feeling that you'll be going home any day; that the weekend is nearly over. i half expected when i woke beside you that you would be getting up, showering, and packing your things back into that little four door car and heading off due south west again...towards home. but you're not. you kissed me good morning and held me there, then, and we wrapped up in each other, sharing the warmth of sleep caught up under the covers. you'd gone to bed with the worst headache i've ever seen you endure. you'd thrown up twice in the bathrooms behind closed doors and if you weren't balding sweetly, i might have forced my way in to hold your hair back. and you fell asleep in my arms as i watched your body finally relax, my fingertips running smooth small circles on your forhead and temple, willing the pressure from under your skull. and it was this way that we shared our first ever consecutive twelve hours of sleep. so now here we are. well, here i am. you've gone to your first day at your new job. the below-freezing evening seems unreal in todays comfortable wednesday breezes; the sky so clear i can hardly believe that anyone could die. but they have, haven't they? three construction workers and an overturned tractor trailer....the strangest things stay with me, sometimes. here it is, the third day of forever and i still can hardly believe its finally happening. but after this afternoon...after we followed that black cavalier through alaquippa and passed all of that construction...after we crossed the blue monaca bridge and i watched you for signs of stressed driving...after we climbed the blue-black-grey-white multi carpeted stairs to the one bedroom apartment at the top of that blue house and made our ways separately throughout the place...i guess i should start letting the realness of it all set in. because we've got one more appointment on saturday and i can actually fathom us living in a place called harmony on a street called twenty fifth street in a yellow building with a mailbox and a back yard...because last night when you were laying on the couch and i rubbed your feet while you dozed and the television provided the nonsensical background noise i felt so happy and content with nothing at all...but with so much...with you... because we have so many things we need to do still and we have all the time we need to do them... because there isn't one person in this world that i will ever love like this. because of all of these things, i need to start letting myself realize that this is just the beginning of our forever. today, home meant something new. today, home became wherever we are together. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- .what came before. - .what happened next. a diamond at the bottom of the drain - 20 october 2017 |
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