introspective periscope : peeking inside since Y2K ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- invincible summer wake up late - twenty second of july, 2003 " early morning mid-july...anticipation's making me high...the smell of sunday in our hair...you ran on the beach with kennedy flair"~k.d. lang we were entwined in our bed, just holding each other...the five o'clock news looping into the six o'clock news...the same voices saying the same thing, the weather patterns that lit up our region on the map like a christmas tree flashing pinks and reds and blues on the walls in our bedroom, darkened even at six in the evening by the storm clouds that refused to rain on our small town...the air all humid and electric outside and the hum of our room air conditioner a background to the beat of your heart, pounding and regular blaring in my ears and i could feel mine start to match yours...we were entwined and talking ice cream and dinner and not really moving to do anything about either...just laying there knotted up with each other and i had to ask because it was this familiar feeling that i get when we are...but i had to know if i was feeling it alone..."are we depressed?"...because how can we be depressed when things have been light and loose and anything but depressing? friday night was ice cream and my crankiness and then the call that i didn't have to come into work on saturday because there wasn't enough work to do and that gave way to going to bed fairly early and waking up to the phone call from michael and swimming at my parents house with grady and nacho and michael and then preparing a vegetarian feast of portabellas and ciabotta and homemade bruschetta all tomatoes and feta and lemon basil from our garden and kalamata olive and onion and olive oil....and nacho's vegetable cream cheese pinwheels and my tortellini tomato basil salad and gooey fudge brownie's with fortunate vanilla....and the anniversary party giving way to miles davis and the candles in the dark illuminating the porch and the plants and glass windchimes surrounding us....the general merry-making that only seems to come when we gather. and the feast that took hours to collectively prepare gave way to plans for a day at presque isle. so we went to our respective homes and beds... and there was making love and making up for the morning's arguments and then sleep...summer sleep with no air conditioner and curled up in the predawn hours with you under cotton sheets and comforter, waking at just after seven to get showered and coffee'd and packed towels and blankets and spf lotion and books for a day at the lakeshore, stopping at EAT in portersville for bagel breakfast sandwiches....and getting sunburn on the backs of my knees but otherwise, getting tanned and walking up the shore with nacho talking about a lot of things and taking pictures of dead fish for her paintings...a catfish with no face left, bloated for dinner for gulls...and then a less than delectable dinner at chi-chi's (i will never go there again, no sir) and the ride home with the intensity of frustration that only grady can provide us.....and the relief at having dropped him in oakland and out of our hair (at least my hair; your sunburned scalp shows through your thinning mane...i would kiss that skin a hundred times) for the week leaving us with a daunting, "see you sunday!" and wishing away most of my relatively easy week to come with the outlook for n e x t weekend already.... and its three four to nine shifts and the prospect of these other jobs...with att, with verizon, or with upmc...and its getting through this cloudy tuesday to the meat of the week and its sunshine and perfectly acceptable summer temperatures...and friday night dinner at mike's with sean and his wife like grownups only we don't have any kids running around us yet and thats just perfectly fine with me right now...and trying out a mocha macadamia nut cheesecake before i make a real one for sunday night's picnic at hartwood acres when we'll converge for the Leftover Salmon concert for free....all mandarin cashew couscous and deserts and candles... so with all of this to enjoy and all to which we ought to look forward, why did we eat junk for dinner and gorge on ice cream and then lay braided again while the television threw old video images at us from the funniest wedding outtakes! ? thats no way to spend a tuesday night. with all of this going good for us...why am i asking us if we're depressed? because i get the feeling that we are, somehow...having said everything, what isn't being said? ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- .what came before. - .what happened next. a diamond at the bottom of the drain - 20 october 2017 |
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