introspective periscope : peeking inside since Y2K ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- until it's set in stone the road to home - 7 april 2o15 "but i know that home is just some place i always leave behind; it's with me everywhere i go and i close my eyes."~you+me spent a long weekend down in boston so my sister could see the baby. it occurred to me that i haven't really done too much boston stuff despite my frequent visits. i'm waiting on the daVinci and hokusai exhibitions to go to the mfa--both of those will be open after the 15th. my friends nick and chris are planning a trip down for the art museum and some other boston-stuff before i leave town. i'm excited for a day out in the city. my sister has lived there for 15 years. it isn't fascinating and fun for her like it is for me. she just doesn't see the city as something to explore anymore, i guess. i drove down friday night and we ordered indian food for dinner. my sister has never had indian food which seems strange to me. i helped her find some mild things and we settled in for the night. she practiced saying paneer saag and gulab jamun. saturday morning, i made plans to meet k at the aquarium. i nestled the baby into the wrap and headed for the T. we suffered only a minor two-stop interference to go back to retrieve a tiny tom baby shoe. we weren't too late to arrive at the aquarium, though...and who needs breakfast or lunch anyway? the wind was something crazy and there was an advisory for 50 mph gusts but it was significantly warmer than home and we filled our lungs up with fresh air while we waited to get in. inside we saw a few species of penguins. there were sea lions and a lobster nursery. there were some lively cuttlefish and a large chambered nautilus. we saw some serious tentacles. aquariums are generally places where i can relax. i like weekday afternoons at the ppg aquarium when there aren't a lot of people and the gallery is usually pretty empty. i could watch that big tank for hours, probably. i'd like to just be quiet there if i can. i think perhaps in the case of the New England Aquarium there were just too many people for me to truly relax and enjoy it. crowds make me so nervous sometimes. the kiddo was generally fine--i'm just a little over-nervous and i know he can sense that. i don't want to detract from anyone else's experience by bringing my (possibly crying) infant. at one point, a fella behind us on the stairs said loudly 'why even bring a baby here?' i didn't hesitate to turn around and answer 'to see fish? why did you come?' and i had a moment of momma bear and i think that's when he started to relax in the wrap. not long after, he was asleep. i'm getting the hang of it slowly. balancing diapers and bottles with a little more grace each time i do it. k was incredible as usual*. i am thankful for my patient friends who are just letting me figure this stuff out but reminding me to relax. i should say that the guy from the stairs said that he didn't mean that bit about bringing babies about "me personally" but whatever whatever. i don't even care, honestly. i didn't answer him rudely; i was matter-of-fact polite. i am pretty well practiced in saying terrible things nicely. it's my job, after all. in the end, the baby was probably more relaxed than his momma but i'm getting there. i'm getting there. i loved managing my way on the t...the route wasn't terribly complicated with only one line change but it was exciting enough. i don't get to do things like that often anymore and i love reading the maps. i want to learn more about the T in pittsburgh and figure out the neighborhoods along those routes. i think it would be really something to include riding the train to the city...here come those weird mary tyler moore dreams again, i suppose. i am trying to stay positive. it's getting more and more complicated to figure out what next. the ride home was heartbreak. all maine points . it has been feeling so much like homesweethome lately. we were just north of augusta, the remainders of a long winter of snow on the sides of the roads started to get deeper and deeper. i watched the temperature drop on the dashboard. fat old waning moon raced us home to bangor. i arrived to a magical glittery snow layer sparkling under the blue of the moon and the smell of someone's wood stove burning in my neighborhood. the stars welcomed me home. my dog and i stood quietly together in the cold moonlight. i know i've got to leave it behind, don't i? i am jones' conflicted heart. xo. *thanks for letting my kid drool on your coat, champ. seriously. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- .what came before. - .what happened next. a diamond at the bottom of the drain - 20 october 2017 |
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