introspective periscope : peeking inside since Y2K ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- vacationing i want to love you madly - third of october, 2005 "to me, coming from you, friend is a four letter word."~cake it was supposed to be this great trip. it was my first vacation on my own. the first time i'd be paid for a week of running about doing things that were not work...things that did not involve my desk or office or evil boss. so now, a month later, i'm trying to remember what was so great about the idea...why i didn't see it in advance. after all, i've known those girls for a long time now. it started out as the grand trip to Amsterdam and ended up being Boston, instead. One girl from a county south, one girl coming in from active duty rest from kosovo, and me. a road trip, with us piled in the wagon to bash around new england. to have road trip conversations. to buy coffee. but then, the friday morning of my last day of work, the girl from county south rings my bell at work and asks if i want to fly instead. i did not. there were too many other details that had been worked out. tobers had his bus ticket and was coming into town. arrangements had been made and a schedule planned. why wrench up a perfectly good working agenda? she hesitated, but yeahyeahyeah'd me into quiet. my point had been made. i was not flying. the next night, with an exhausted toby by my side, we went to a party at my best friend's brother's place in the country. as we gathered around the bonfire, the girl from the county south mentioned that we'd need to head home on friday. i told her to buy her plane ticket. i refused to cut my trip short on such notice. they did. i drove north to hyde park, ny with toby. dropping him off to return to class the next morning, i drove north east and on to boston. i got lost in chelsea. i found my way. the plan had been to stay with my sister, but the girl from the county south's father had a condo just out of salem in a town called marble head. i agreed to meet them there. i did. the next day, we checked out salam...a miserable place to see in august..just...dull and exploitative. perhaps it's different with the witches milling about...but even then...now that i feel like i can comfortably say that i am a witch myself, i don't really see the point in the whole "salem" mystique. but tha'ts another thing altogether....this...this is about my friends. i turned 27 just before my trip. i don't think that 27 is too old. not really. i am only 3 years older but somehow, i feel like i've left them behind...that lifestyle. that attitude. i was out of the loop, certainly. i noticed a lot about them. i feel sort of...detatched. i feel like this trip...when they headed off to the airport, like it was the last time i would see them in such an intimate setting. i feel like, this autumn, i'm casting off old things...and finding other old familiars to reclaim. i feel as though there is a finite number of kindreds i can keep close to me at any time...and friends...they are really the ebb and flow of life, coming into and leaving unexpectedly. next year, i wonder with whom i'll vacation... ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- .what came before. - .what happened next. a diamond at the bottom of the drain - 20 october 2017 |
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