introspective periscope : peeking inside since Y2K

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monday mourning

morning has broken - twelfth of may, 2002

"but get her 'round a lightbulb and she's doomed."~ani difranco

we're leaving in a few minutes.

toby and i got back from niagra falls and our one-night-in-another-country adventure which constituted of us driving up saturday night, sleeping in a cheap hotel room that i got online as suggested by our friend pewse. we woke up early, ate our complimentary free bagels, juice, and coffee which seemed just perfect for continental; just perfect for free. we checked out, put our single bag in the car and walked to the casino to take advantage of our ten dollars and tokens apiece that came with the deal and then went on to walk along the distance along the falls. we took some pictures. we headed back and explored clifton hill, the touristy awful carnival part of niagra falls, and then, it started to rain. so, we went to duty free, picked up our molsen XXX and some new mott's clamato bloody mary drinks that i haven't seen in the states yet, both of these items hors gratuity, crossed the border and braved torrential winds that ripped across most of pennsylvania and upstate new york most of mother's day.

when we arrived home, i called my mother to let her know...and even though i've been expecting the news to come for two weeks at least, it still made my heart stop for a moment.

my great-grandmother died yesterday morning.

and so my brother and i are leaving with my mother and i'm driving back north again and its going to be a long three or four days. i haven't seen my family in a little over a year and now i will see them under strained circumstances. and i hate to admit it, but i'm a little irate with my mother...because she's not going to make this one any easier with her not going to the church for grandma's memorial service. its just going to be another thing to stress everything that is already stressed. but then again, i also have to respect her for staying her beliefs, even in a situation like this.

and its the first time in a year and a half that toby and i have slept in different states...different houses, even.

and i can't seem to exactly shake this nagging feeling that, although i am related to the people i'll see, i really don't belong. my family has become, in so many ways (not to be confused with all ways, of course) small and something else entirely, consisting of lines that aren't drawn in blood.

and the may rain and wind won't stop...

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.what came before. - .what happened next.

a diamond at the bottom of the drain - 20 october 2017
baseball season to football season, abbreviated - 25 september 2017
the doodles - 11 july 2017
at arm's length - 4 july 2017
like a sea-mammal needs a bicycle - 30 may 2017

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