introspective periscope : peeking inside since Y2K ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- fresh air supposed to be burning - sixteenth of april, 2002 "if you want to sing out, sing out."~cat stevens on days like today, i can honestly breathe. inhale. exhale. it feels good. its really warm for april and amusing that merely two weeks ago, the ground outside of our little house was covered in a thin blanket of unyeilding white snow. barely anything, really, but enough to make him shiver and threaten a move south. i haven't really accomplished too too much, but maybe i have? i spent saturday in the car with the boy as we headed out early in the rainy foggy morning northward towards indiana, pa. we stopped and picked up bells and continued on our way, i breathing in the scent of the town and feeling intimidated by the new building in the place of the huge brown crater of excavation from two summers ago when the project began...from the happiest summer i've known. we headed on, then, towards penn state to visit my brother and see pete yorn, among other acts playing for free on the university hub lawn. the rain didn't let up much and the drive was one of those surreal foggy ones where the person in the back seat sleeps restfully and the others in the car just watch out the window and look at each other peacefully, both knowning that the elevation of the terrain was growing more steep and that, if we could just see through the fog, the mountains might show themselves. i love when clouds are low. inhale. exhale. we didn't do too much and i enjoyed the time spent with my brother but was regretful for bringing bells along because she reminded me a lot of how i used to be...high all the time, bored with much...we set her loose on her own for a time and it was then that i truly relaxed. on our way home, i stopped in to see chris and toni in their college home. they graduate this semester and i am both regretful for the bitter times and finding peace in reconcile. it was strange and ackward at first, but and ackwardness through which i am willing to work. i was glad for it. inhale. inhale. now. do it. exhale. we returned home to a dog who muchly missed us and a big box on our porch. apparently, the grill fairies had paid a famous visit in our absence. lucky for us...for it was a propane model left us and i do love to cook outside. inhale. exhale. last night was delightfully disturbing. in the wake of tornado watches and warnings, we watched the beautiful sunny sky grow turbulent and purple and then dissipate, all with no rain. we sat outside of my friend carrie's house, we four, brian m, myself, toby, and carrie. we cooked burgers and i again fancied the meatless thoughts that have been plauging me for some time now. the disturbance came in the package of a little two year old girl named anna who carrie was haphazardly caring for in a state of intoxication. another argument for adoption rather than having my own babies. and so today, i sit here, cowering from the heat and sun (to which i'm deathly afraid i've developed an allergy) and i'm supposed to be doing our sparse loads of laundry and burning off music cds...but i keep looking outside. because its like i said: on days like today, i can breathe. inhale. exhale. breathe. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- .what came before. - .what happened next. a diamond at the bottom of the drain - 20 october 2017 |
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