introspective periscope : peeking inside since Y2K ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- dismantling sjones say ello, say goodbye. - 30 september 2014 "on the day that daniel cowman stopped existing the world should have ended right then and there...at precisely four-fifteen when he stopped existing the world should have ended...how could it go on?"~regina spektor it's starting, i suppose. i've logged out of nearly everything on my phone now and uninstalled most of the apps for social networking. my pop-tart sized device is about useless except for calls, sms/hangouts, gps, and my calendar. i've got my account set up on ello.co that i may or may not ever use. i've set the october 10th date to shut off my facebook. i've logged out of instagram. i've disengaged from twitter. remember when the internet was just a place where i wrote things down? here. right here. i don't need or want anything else but an outlet. this space was always about me...my perceptions, my experience. i don't want that to change. i'm just not sure i want to bother publishing anything anymore, either... except for maybe the occasional poem. i just have to get myself away from watching for that familiar light to light up...from lighting up my screen all the time and for what? i was so good at this before and i've slipped back into it with the ease of restoring my old face-space in the spring. i don't want it. i don't want any of it. pavlov's dog with all the drool. there was a time when once it was out of me, it was out of me...and i could breathe again. that's all it ever was...fleeting moments of memory that were gone the instant they were written down. i just don't know where this goes from here...but i've had enough of the up and down, the crying and snotting into the last box of kleenex in my house...of all of that. rehashing it for the sake of getting it out of me isn't working like it did. i've got to find another way to set things down. more walks in the woods. something more tactile. something less...internets. i've gotten very good at how to disappear completely over the years. here we go again. xo, ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- .what came before. - .what happened next. a diamond at the bottom of the drain - 20 october 2017 |
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