introspective periscope : peeking inside since Y2K ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- enough 01:01:11 - 5 october 2000 enough about you enough about them enough about you enough about them this time its mine, this time its me, and i'm sick of the hyperbole, i'm sick of the rhetoric, i'm sick of the cliche, but its all i have, this ache in me and a zillion tears to shed for no goddamned reason. Can't put a name to it, its everything, its nothing. enough about you enough about them enough about you enough about them this is about me this time, the person i forgot to pay some respect, the person i was going to be, the person i am, the person i might or might not ever be it all depends on how much of a chance i'm willing to give myself. its about the emptiness laying next to me, about the discomfort i feel in my skin, about glow stars and night lights, about sandals and poetry, about projects left unfinished. enough about you enough about them enough about you enough about them cuz when i try to be your smile, when i try to be your good time girl, i'm leaving myself with a whole lot of nothing and nothing isn't much to go home with, but its all i've brought, these days and i've got an excess of it to get rid of. enough about you enough about them enough about you enough about them its got to be for me or it can't be for anyone, its got to be mine, or i can't share it in the first place. feeling so second place when there isn't anyone to put first, feeling so bitter over something that wasn't mine, feeling so clean when I'm covered in clay, feeling so down when i've got all of this life coursing through my veins, but it feels a shade or two colder than watercolor water left in the windowsill overnight and the life is thinning out so quickly, each day passing so swiftly into the next that I don't enjoy it til its gone and its tiring to think of where i need to be if i can't be where i was anymore. enough about you enough about them enough about you enough about them because if i can't wake up alone with some peace to the orange leaves of autumn outside, and if i can't make it through the day without some comfort from myself, the one person that is supposed to know me best, i don't want to wake up at all. i'm forgetting myself with each morning and putting more of myself to rest every night and there is bound to come the day when there isn't anything left to put down. enough about you enough about them enough about you enough about them this time its got to be about how I'M feeling today and not how she has been my silent verse for months, not about how you've been leaning on me close enough for me to feel you breathe for weeks, not about how huggable i am, or how cute, or not cute, for that matter.... cuz cute wasn't on my resume. you must have forgotten who i am, but it probably happened when i forgot, too. its just got to be for me, with this pain with no name, this ache introducing itself to my stomach, this stitch in my throat, uninvited, settling in. its got to be about how I haven't got the energy to laugh, how i can't make it up that next hill because my mind has been draining me of my energy, about how i'm doubting myself too often. so fuck you and fuck them for just tonight, enough about them all cuz I need a shoulder and there isn't anyone there, and i need someone to talk to, but its late.... enough about you. enough about them. enough. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- .what came before. - .what happened next. a diamond at the bottom of the drain - 20 october 2017 |
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