introspective periscope : peeking inside since Y2K ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- why i hate the cracker barrel and other explanations while he wastes water - tenth of february (thanks, bri), 2002 "just because you feel hollow inside its real"~mazzy star we got back from syracuse the other night. a week with my mother and nary an argument til we got to erie. they wanted to go to the cracker barrel and blech if i was into that...its this wierd bond between my southern boyfriend's like of southern cuisine (if you can call it that?) and my mother's seemingly innate desire to be all things southern. chicken fried chicken, you say? you can keep the grits and buscuits. but it wasn't that i was really really irate about the resteraunt choice...i mean, it was bound to happen--they've been joking about it for months in this sick, twisted, ominous manner...but i was road weary, covered with hair from the doped up puppy who lay in my lap for three hours in the back seat, cranky, and honestly, a bit jealous that i wasn't sitting in the front seat. but it wasn't that. it was my just wanting to eat something normal and be on the way again. and it was what she said...its what she always says....and it drives me insane. "the trip's almost over and carole's gotten everything she can so now its time to be mean." i mean...what the hell is that, mom? and so i began the head-math, tallying up prices and vowing to pay back every penny when i finally pick up a job again (yes, still unemployed...gah). it just burns when she does these 'i know you so well' things that just...get under my skin. but i'm home now. and, having settled a days worth of argument with the boy, an overflow of anger from the cracker barrel catastrophe, forgiving a cracked door, making love til we fell asleep and continuing in the morning light, i feel better again. i feel like...if i could just get past the one-line daggers my mother can throw with such amazing skill...i could be genuinely content in occasional winter sunshine. until. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- .what came before. - .what happened next. a diamond at the bottom of the drain - 20 october 2017 |
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