introspective periscope : peeking inside since Y2K ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- the self validation complex -the ranting hour - sixteenth of june, 2001-churning "woman. WHOA, man."~mike meyers, so i married an axe murderer. ugh. thats all i can say. i don't understand some women. {as you wish, k, darling} i don't understand how a perfectly genuine caring person can be overlooked. i mean, maybe they know something that i don't. maybe he's a bit perverse, but he's honest about it. i dig honesty. its all i ever want. indulge me. anyway....there are some women that want to...that need to, somehow...justify or validate their looks with these horrible means....be it sending their naked pictures over the internet to hungry eyes...cheating on husbands who are wonderfully loving, faithful, and dedicated...spending hours primping in front of mirrors applying layers of makeup for a boy who won't even let her wear shorts to the beach because another guy might look at her pretty stems and ass. and its everywhere i look these days: work, online, out and about. i repeat: i just don't get some women. i think we could all use a little growth. i think i need a cup of coffee and a cigarette and some time to be thankful that i found him when i did....because i'm not like that anymore..and i know better now and lately, its driving me into one big culminating ball of PISSED OFF at the way women are looking at themselves. i know i'm not gorgeous, even though she seems to have been misled and calls me so whenever we talk...but i'm gaining that certain comfort that i didn't have slowly and i'm realizing that beauty isn't in the nude voyeurism or the length of her skirt or the shade of her lilac eyeshadow...its something more. i digress. but here's something, hungry minions. ~what are you gonna do to prove it this time?~ i heard him say it in a flat voice as though it wasn't even in question... as though he knew how wrapped around his finger she'd become when he told her it was too short too tight too thin too pretty for another guy to see. and his voice was so monotone that it hardly seemed real and when she asked us if we thought that tiny adorable summer skirt was too short too thin too tight too pretty we both looked at each other and then to her and disagreed heartily in tonal voices that sang out contrasting his monotone bullshit. what the fuck do boys know anyway? and when i saw her naked breasts on the screen in a dozen pictures he was sending after hearing a paraphrased tale of deceit, i was sad for her, for the look in her eyes. and she was never going to meet him just toying with his heart which was seeking some solace and comfort and companionship. and i'd heard him talk about her before and i'd seen pictures of her sunny smile but that smile melted into tawdry pictures of feigned comfort in front of the watchful eye of the digital camera.... that smile melted into nothing more than breasts and hips and ass and cunt and that sunshine smile hardly seems an appropriate mask for what must be inside.... a hurting woman just waiting needing wanting those words that tell her "you're pretty" "i'd fuck you" "nice ass" to validate her womanhood; to validate everything she thinks she needs to be. and i'm so goddamned sick of seeing hearing watching knowing whats going on in those heads... molding women out of flour-water putty only to crush them and tell them its too short too thin too pretty breasts ass hips and cunt. where did all the beauty go and what comes next? what else can you do to prove it to yourself that that body is enough? ...pretty enough.... ......lovely enough.... touchable tangible loveable sexy? what are you gonna do to prove it next? and we fast forward to her who was you ten years ago looking to him for a little validation with the infidelity in her eyes and i don't know you, but i know her and knowing one is enough.... because you all seem the same to me... leaving PERFECTLY GOOD MEN broken in your insecurity, shattered in your self images and smashed in your need to prove it all the time.... running to another instead just breaking yourself for faulty men, becoming women who know to do only what they're told and doing exactly as he says, sewing yards of length onto that too short too tight too thin too pretty skirt to cover up bare breasts and ass and thighs and cunt that sure looked good in that pretty little skirt when you met her, you bastard... and i don't know what it is about women these days and the self validation complex.... but i think that some women are only as good as the company they keep and what are you gonna do to prove it next time? ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- .what came before. - .what happened next. a diamond at the bottom of the drain - 20 october 2017 |
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