introspective periscope : peeking inside since Y2K ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- David Gray and the Conversation 20:11:24 - 2001-01-13 saturday. lovely. spent the last few days with someone new, with a new change of face. kindreds seem to be in hiding these days, and i'm longing for a new friend or two to take the place of empty spots next to me....hoping each new person will be the salve i'm lookign for. Right. Did that thing with the moving pictures and my Uncle Sid last night....with a girl I didn't know well, but who thinks I am a funny person. I guess I needed to be reminded that I shouldn't always be the Brownie Leader. Got an email from Norm today..that was nice. Spent most of my day wondering what would have happened if.....four inches is a hell of a distance to cross when the boy is sleeping. Bah. No regrets. I've got something pure and real, don't I? Don't I? Here's some freestylin' for your weekend before classes start enjoyment. *hugs to all* Be well. *David Gray and The Conversation* it must've been the lyrics, and the moving pictures that the world had become, dripping and fluid and constantly surreal, and i suppose it was your liquor that made you speak, and it must've been something hard you were drinking, cuz your words are cutting into me like puppy teeth, they're cutting into my memory in much the same way ; Reilly is trying to change her perception of the past. My own words reverberate: "you can't change how she perceived it; you have to grant her the impressions she had". And my impression was one of a distant boy that couldn't be reached.... i wanted something more than you could offer... and wrestled with that want, sparred with the want to settle for what you could give. Froze up the closer to your heat i layed my hands, my fingertips not believing you were real... and its like I said: I'd give my treehouse for a do-over, but that isn't something with which I am prepared to cope; not now that I have had a taste of a soul that reaches out to me across many waters and I can't stop thinking of how cold its going to be for you... even with all of the warmth that came when you shared my bed. and i can't stop thinking about how often I'll replay the scene before i can settle down with the script, some tea and memory, and find some understanding. I mean... why tell me now? after all of this, why tell me now? Just when its all finding its proper place, you come through and blow it all to pieces with a few words... because there still is nothing like your blue eyes, there was nothing like your voice, so recently deleted from the hard drive, yes, there was nothing like your voice. "you're cute." Echoes....echoes. Wish I could have believed you, wish I could have believed in me.... and until I know what storybook is going to write itself with him, I have to put those thoughts aside.... because I have always wanted more, I have always wanted more.... and David Gray was singing too much about how I feel right now, "if you want it, come and get it.... for cryin' out loud..." I can't get all of the lyrics down, but its yanking heartstrings, its making me remember. And how do I explain the lines I've written on the wall? "I'm gonna be a fascist in no time!" No, no...cuz kids, I learned my lesson..... and I'm sticking to what I know.... and that isn't a whole lot except to say that some chances only come along once and he's worth the chance, I'm worth the try, I'm worth the love he has to offer me... the soul he wants to share.... and I'm doing well to remember true love only comes around every so often... its hard to get you out of mind cuz you're like the movie, your like she said.... you're so cool. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- .what came before. - .what happened next. a diamond at the bottom of the drain - 20 october 2017 |
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