introspective periscope : peeking inside since Y2K ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 7daywritingchallenge after midnight...summer sleep rh - 6 august 2013 "when they ask what do i see i say a bright white beautiful heaven hangin' over me."~the national the radio cut on loudly and unexpectedly. i haven't listened to the radio in a couple of weeks. it's either npr all the time or the indy radio station that, despite their claim to be so different, still plays mostly the same stuff in their niche all the time but hey, its good for a listen when i don't want to hear the news...when i don't want to listen to that local npr around-pittsburgh show that just gets under my skin because the fella never asks any real questions and just...i don't know. i can't pin it down. there is something about the dialogue that seems so full of shit. but anyway, i'd turned it all off. the music. the news updates. the bbc. twitter, mostly. all of it. i needed to bubble-ize myself from everything else. the trouble with bubbles is the bit with the bursting, though, isn't it? so a snippet, i'm hooked. news junkie to the max and i hate it. familiar voices telling me what the world looks like through my blue-colored glasses. i try to figure out what is real and none of it makes sense to me. a snippet, my pupils dilate. one word becomes a phrase becomes a sentence and here we are. global terror threat, for fuck's sake. and then the guilt sets in for not paying attention. sometimes, i wish i could live a little more like my sister. i think that a lot, though. nothing new. i turned it off immediately, of course. i've got more on my plate than i can handle. it's difficult to talk to america about first world problems. it's equally complicated to talk to the poorest people trying to make ends meet and i'm trying to sell them something. it's a weird balance of us versus them but i'm them...and sometimes, that's so difficult to remember when they can be so cruel, so mean. i am learning to bob around it, leaf on the water. why fight it? nothing you want is upstream. in this singularity, this newfound personal silence, i aim to be as hopeful as my friend nick. i don't know how he does it. how do you come home after hours of soul-claiming 'work' and tell a hopeful story? and who would read the sad ones you've written all along? i'm counting days until my grown up vacation. i'm determined that a week with a change of scenery is going to be the thing. my sleep patterns are adjusting for the night owl habits i'm aiming to get into again for awhile...i get so much more accomplished when everyone is sleeping. i have the luxury to embrace that and so why not? and anyway, then there's no way i can't get to crossfit so i'm looking forward to getting some of this out of me. remain hopeful. in the face of anything, remain hopeful or keep it so far locked up that nobody can see it because ain't nobody wanna see that. today was a bad day. today was a sad day for no reason. i came home, i cried, i cut down a watermelon in cold blood. i feel better. the night is crisp and has autumn on its breath but the crickets are determined to keep this night party going. the meditation: find something about which to be hopeful. it's only a sad story if you're happy, i guess. for the rest of us, maybe there's something compelling here... and here we go. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- .what came before. - .what happened next. a diamond at the bottom of the drain - 20 october 2017 |
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