introspective periscope : peeking inside since Y2K

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the news

before the bus - thirtieth of january, 2003

"i can't remember the last thing th at you said as you were leaving. the days go by so fast."~counting crows

it was a very busy weekend, this last one. and it carried over and smoothed on up into this week....but i've got an hour til i have to catch the bus to work and may as well write it all down.

my hours have been cut back at work a little because there isn't too much to do yet and the mall tends to be sort of like a silent cemetery most days, its parking lots blanketed in snow and ice melt with very few cars breaking up the blacktop terrain. i was a bit depressed about it for a bit, but this was something i wanted to do as it got closer to spring, anyway. (i am determined to see some sunshine this summer.) so i'm taking it for the break from burn-out i need and its making my weeks go by more pleasantly than they have in months. on slow mondays, i can already see the light at the end of the week, pushing me on. and now, i enjoy three day weekends like nobody's business.

on new year's eve, over dinner, we were talking about how we'd like to volunteer someplace. well, brian and jonathan and pewse and i were.

so, on friday, brian and i jeeped it down to the The Foundry, this sweet bar in the Strip District. It was all exposed brick and soft music and micro-brewery. We met with about twenty other people for an orientation with a volunteer organization, pittsburgh cares. we filled out the forms and got the calendars and ate the provided food to be polite: delicous salsa, shredded cheese, soft tortilla, and lettuce...and for brian, taco meat. it was good, we met a few people, and dashed for our next appointment.

we met jonathan at his house on the South Side and walked in the bitter wind cold through slush and on icy sidewalks up five blocks on Sarah Street to the zenith tea room for dinner. its this little antique store slash vegan resteraunt where you sit at a table like your great grandmother had and they bring you lemon water in old pitchers and they still bring you bread and butter to munch on. and the tea certainly doesn't come from a bag, but instead from this cupboard of herbs and spices. they give you a strainer. earl grey with lavendar...a new twist on my favourite. their weekly menu changes and i was still hungry after my soft taco at the foundry....but in the mood to try something new. brian got soup and a sunflower mushroom burger. i opted for the only other option: open faced marinated tofu sandwich with mushroom gravy and a small salad. when it came, it smelled like salsbury steak and tasted like it, too...the gravy was salty but so good. we talked and laughed and enjoyed dinner, waiting for toby to call to say he was on his way (he was at his company's late christmas party down at the Waterfront , a gathering out of which i opted). after we scoped out the antiques, we headed back down carson street to the greek pastry shop. i tried a greek sponge cake soaked in honey-syrup. it was really good and not too sweet. we waited for toby and watched our quiet atomosphere crumble as a huge group of people came and crowded in around us, talking and being generally loud. i think i've grown to appreciate quiet much more than i know yet. when toby finally arrived after an hour of looking for a parking spot (there's never any place to park down there *sigh*) we went back to jonathan's for our intended plans.

while toby fell asleep on the low-rider couch at jonathan's place, the three of us bent over foamcore board with paint, scissors, spray glue, and markers, readying our signs for the protest the next day.

my sign was electric pink with newsprint stories featuring public policy towards iraq and the impending war in general and featured an ani line from Self Evident that i thought appropriate...and not often taken into consideration. "the media is not fooling me", it read in black. on the back it listed a website address i've been frequenting often, lately: moveon.org.

the next day, we met up again after toby and i did a whirlwind visit to a few shops on the strip district....and headed for the protest. for once, i can say i was really impressed with the pittsburgh area. a turn out of more than a thousand people marched from Station Square up through the South Side and to the FBI building. the energy built with each passing block. i was proud of us for joining in to protest war, in general, although this protest was specifically about Iraq.

now i am back to the reading and the questioning my stance. i have been given no reason from my government that seems solid enough to support a war. but there are so many other aspects to consider....what if we're wrong? will i shrug my shoulders and say "my bad" in that instant before i am vaporized? and now, a good friend has been called out for active duty overseas, leaving behind him his fiancee and friends and family who won't stop worrying for the year he'll be gone. a year. and thats only if we don't go to war. then, it could be even longer. how do i support troops (because every one of them has someone like us waiting at home and worrying) and not support a war? i am bound and silent with deliberation.

in other news, tori amos has finally decided that pittsburgh is worth a stop on her tour....and about damned time. i got my tickits today.

my dreams have been littered with familiar forgotten faces and they've been nibbling at me and i'm not so sure anymore....they spit up doubt in my face. i want you to know that its not a long haired stoner that i want, exactly. i know that the person i want probably doesn't even exist....so if you're willing to be settled for, i'm willing to settle.

and besides...the couch is getting uncomfortable for sleeping:

if you think that i could be forgiven, i wish you would.

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.what came before. - .what happened next.

a diamond at the bottom of the drain - 20 october 2017
baseball season to football season, abbreviated - 25 september 2017
the doodles - 11 july 2017
at arm's length - 4 july 2017
like a sea-mammal needs a bicycle - 30 may 2017

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