introspective periscope : peeking inside since Y2K ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- the catchup 1:42 p.m. - 2002-03-10 "i learn my name. i write with a number two pencil. i work up to my potential. i learn my name."~liz phair i've got this sick sense of foreboding twisting in my stomach. it started a week or so ago...real small like...like maybe...a grape seed. and its been snowballing ever since. but, unlike some senses of foreboding, this one isn't really unfounded. and i don't dare say what it is that bothers me unless it should actually happen. its easier to talk about things laying next to you in bed in the darkness of two a.m. sunday morning to the moan of march winds screeching around our little house and blowing recyclable bottles down our street. its just easier because i know that you understand at least a little bit. my little brother came on thursday night and i made a pretty big dinner. i made a pork roast with orange glaze (only orange glaze because it was so good and i can do it really quick and its so easy...i need to find more recipes), mashed redskin potatoes with the skins on with horseradish and bacon dip tossed in with them and a little bit of ranch (like...huge fattness), corn, applesauce from Aldi's that i doctored up with some cinnamon and a little bit of milk and heated up on the stove...and finally, a red velvet cake with cream cheese frosting. it was high times with my little brother. high times that we hadn't known since last summer. when cyndi was at school. and it was just the two of us. sometimes, i regret that we just didn't take that trip together. i hope we get the chance. my little brother, for all of the angst we've known throughout the years, is one of my biggest heroes. he stayed the night and we drank and smoked and watched american psycho and stir of echoes. i fell asleep before any of them and wonder if i'm not getting old. i woke up first on friday and did the dishes while my brother slept on the couch and my boyfriend slept in our room. i made redskin home fries with garlic, onion, and cheese...scrambled eggs with mushrooms and onions and cheese, and bagels for breakfast. it was so warm and gorgeous out that we ended up eating on the porch. i love the smell of spring. we talked dean into going up to the mills to hike with us for a little bit. we all piled into the mitsubishi family wagon with the faded peeling "train" sticker on the back and drove north to kennedy mills. we hiked in as far as some really lovely rocks that i love to climb down to to hear the rapids as they rush right by me. the waterfall was getting a little more gushy with the thawing and a lot of the ice there was melting. it was, in all, gorgeous and seventy degrees and just what i've needed. the woods are always just what i need. it was my brother's first time at those mills (most people go to mc connell's mills) and he seemed to really enjoy it there. i was glad that i could share it with him. i love taking people there that i know will appreciate it. its like heaven. brian came friday night and we played uno attack...twenty rounds. i've had the damned game since my birthday and now that we've finally started playing it, i can hardly make myself want to play regular uno again. and finally, pewse came over on last night. we spent an hour and a half deciding to go to Denny's and get burgers and then to Kuhn's for ice cream (you know i got that edy's dreamery deep dish apple pie) and then back to our place for uno attack and saturday night live. we don't always have to have adventures and we always have a good time. i like that about my friends. i was really disappointed that mark didn't come along. he'd left a message on the machine saying to call him. but we didn't see him. its getting so i'm getting used to him just not being around. and its getting so that the twinge of disappointment doesn't last as long. and that bothers me and comforts me at the same time. i guess its a good sign that i'm growing. and that he's growing. growth is good, right? even if it is separate ways? i realized this week when my brother mentioned something about the planes that fly by our house, that i have had a poem stuck in my head for weeks now...since that night we drove to camp horne giant eagle just for chip dip that we like....since the night my dog was in the hospital....that i've got a few poems that i need to write. i can't believe its been so long since i wrote anything new. and it bothers me. but there are only a few weeks of winter left...and i'm starting to feel inspiration thaw in me like the sap in the trees....and my buds are near bursting. until. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- .what came before. - .what happened next. a diamond at the bottom of the drain - 20 october 2017 |
||||||
|
||||||