introspective periscope : peeking inside since Y2K ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- what's going on back to it - 13 august 2014 "will you still love me when i'm no longer young and beautiful? will you still love me when i got nothing but my aching soul?"~lana del rey rachel is back in pittsburgh after a really great visit. i think we spent as much time in the car as we did anywhere but it was good. i love that lady so much. we hit most of the items on her list (some in sad unexpected ways.) we had lobster rolls, blueberries, saw paul bunyan, went to the woods, she got to put her feet in the atlantic ocean and we saw a moose (albeit one just hit by a minivan on our way back from pei.) it's back to real life again. work and quiet and music and avocados and me being my generally boring self. i dropped her off at Logan airport around 4:30 am tuesday morning and headed for lowell, mass, to meet my friend K for a very early breakfast. with virtually no traffic, i arrived early and watched the sun come up a bit. the owl diner opened at 6am and we went inside for omelets and coffee before he headed to work and i headed back to maine. on the diner marquee above the flat top grill, i noted that 'grape nuts custard' was on the list. i'm fascinated with the grape nuts stuff in new england, guys. when i first came here, i was surprised to find grape nuts ice cream at the ice cream shops and in the freezer aisle of the grocery store. who eats grape nuts? i don't know that anyone but old people and hippies would entertain actually purchasing and eating grape nuts but maybe there's something different about the grape nuts culture up here? the grill cook overheard me asking about what 'grape nuts custard' could possibly be. is it just custard with grape nuts mixed in to be crunchy like i used to do with yogurt? or something else completely? the grill cook assured me it was good (though moments later, he said he doesn't eat the stuff himself?) and asked the older woman who i presume was the manager to explain it. "its like a custard," she explained. of course, i thought....because that's what it's called. but what does it look like? how are the grape nuts integrated? on seeing my face that probably clearly communicated these thoughts, she asked me if i wanted to just try a little. "uh, yes!" i replied. she asked me if i wanted it warm or cold..."however it comes." warm it was. the grill cook added that we should probably have it with whipped cream and called back to the kitchen to be sure they put some on. i expected a few bites for k and i to split...instead, i'm pretty sure we got a full order. so basically, it's like bread pudding only without bread. the grape nuts seem to be ground and mixed in with the sweet eggy custard and then baked to set. so it was like warm less-sweet kind of vanilla bread pudding. i think i would have liked it with cream over it rather than whipped cream. maybe some fruit? i have to doctor everything up, i guess, eh? still, it wasn't terrible and i was pleasantly surprised. paula in austin tells me that they have grape nuts ice cream in austin, too...so is this not a regional thing? why haven't i ever heard of using grape nuts for something other than being gross? i think i'm with robert on this one in that it's basically a cereal that didn't come to total fruition before the inventor gave up...or granola that didn't make the cut. still, i'm tempted to start trying (if not simply just collecting) grape nuts recipes just for the sheer curiosity of it. and here, i didn't even know they were still making that stuff. huh. the trip alone back to bangor was nice enough. i landed on some lana del rey on spotify and i'm pretty enamored with her. there was a fog front when i hit the maine border and eventually, the further north i got, it burned off into sunshine. on arriving home, i dropped my bags, snuggled with my sweet hound, and crashed into a nap before heading to work. i really needed some sleep... into the third trimester now...and kind of counting down days, honestly. i know things are going to get much more uncomfortable and i'm not sure how ready i am for it but you know, one day at a time. while i am still getting into those jeans (my guage for how big i've been getting since the beginning), i'm starting to think it's time to abandon them but i'm not too sure what i can wear instead. i've been relegated to dresses and yoga pants and figuring out what to wear to work is increasingly complicated. this weekend, i'll probably go try to find some alternative. otherwise, the baby is just playing games in there, i think...kicking and swirling and getting hiccups here and there. no problems sleeping yet like all the literature suggests i'll have (in fact, that's about all i want to do.) i'm thankful for the sleep number bed...i can still adjust it to find a comfortable little nest of a spot and aside from getting up once or twice to pee, my nights are pretty uninterrupted. the strange dreams have taken a break (finally) and now i'm just trying to catch up on sleep before mom comes next week. news from syracuse tells me that my uncle is dying...congestive heart failure. i check in on my aunt and expect that i'll need to make a trip to syracuse sooner rather than later depending on how things go. i hate that this is so much waiting and i worry that he is in pain or uncomfortable--which i suspect he is but i have no way of knowing. i don't really know how to cope with this sort of thing so i'm just waiting until i know what to do next...it's on my mind pretty constantly. it's getting to be the best time of year, now. my mother comes next week. the weekend after i'll celebrate my birthday (probably alone, maybe with a trip to bar harbor or something with sammy.) the next weekend, i'm hoping to jet over to vermont to visit with dennis and amy--it's been 4 years since i last saw them. all of these things are super things that will fill in the time between now and....then...then, when after nearly 5 months, i'll finally get to go home for the first time since i've left. then the beach. oh, and at least a lunch date in albany to finally put a voice and a hug with a handsome face i've been admiring since june. i'm chasing my tail. (i don't have a tail.) in the car, on the way down to boston, i told rachel i'm not emotionally invested but corrected myself as soon as it was out of my mouth. of course i am or i wouldn't be talking to him every day--but i'm also still pretty practical. i've got my priorities straight. this baby is everything. after that, if something works out, i'm just lucky for the first time in as long as i can remember. he makes me laugh, anyway. and, admittedly, i don't mind looking at that face before i fall asleep because it means falling asleep happily...maybe even smiling. i'm such a dork, america....but i'm your dork. so things are back to the normal grind. i'm alone with my thoughts a lot...fascinated and frustrated with this business in ferguson, mo and feeling stuck. overwhelmed with the news media again and feeling like i should turn it off because i can feel my blood pressure and stress go up with each new bit of information...overwhelmed that i'm bringing a baby into all of this some days. back more full time to work because i know you need me to help with your tech disasters. i'm psyching myself up to start C25K this weekend....or at least give it a try for a few days to see how i'm feeling. maybe that'll help clear my head of the news a little, too. until, america...i hope things are good where you are. xo, ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- .what came before. - .what happened next. a diamond at the bottom of the drain - 20 october 2017 |
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