introspective periscope : peeking inside since Y2K ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- been awhile. actually, its about ten minutes - twenty second of august, 2004 "yesterday, i woke up suckin' a lemon."~radiohead dude. (and i say dude with supreme amounts of the utmost repsect, here, dude. for real.) i needed this day more than anything. sure, there were a few things i could've done without, but mostly, overall, it was a good thing. i feel asleep last night after work. it couldn't have been six in the afternoon or early evening, whichever....whichever. and i laid my head down to rest watching the shimmer of the silver dollar fish and the glimmer of the lamp eye tetras and the blood fin tetras, like fireworks...and the splash of red in the head of the goldfish who is fatter now... and it wasn't long before my brain was washed in a watery sleep. i might have stirred once, sometime before the sun set behind the grey clouds that had been lingering for days....a constant rumble of thunder and flashes as though someone followed each of us with a camera...the downfall of mother nature in her most paparazzi form. and for days, the sky had been rising and seting in the monotone contrast of light to dark to light again, all carcoal to thick strokes of graphite to dirty water to the deep metallic of foggy jaguar black. and i think i saw it in its just before dark but not quite as dark as say....a black jellybean. briefly. and i sank back into my aquarium sleep. it was five in the morning when i woke again, after a nearly eleven hour catnap. i couldn't believe my watch. toby wasn't in the bed but rather stretched out on the sofa in the living room, lighted by the flashes of lightning strikes in some rainsoaked distance and soothed by the far off traffic of thunder. i brought him to bed and slept a few more hours. we spent a lot of the day in bed. michael left for the mills for a hike with grady and we....stayed behind. we talked about a lot and things feel a little better. i feel communicative in a way that i haven't felt in a long time. i feel like the words are finally coming back. i feel like the word bipolar is something that i might need to talk to the right person about...see about getting some mental balance. i can say that, i think. maybe i'm wrong. maybe there's other talking t hat needs to be done. but i know i need to be medicated or something to even all of these feelings i've had for so long....to even them out a little. and so we went out running to the used video game stores and buying up some entertainment and a dinner of fabulous french toast and syrup and eggs and well done bacon. and things are laid back and its just after midnight. this is the first time i can remember relaxing in such a long time. my musles are relaxed. my smile feels relaxed. and i'm as calm as i've been in so long.... have a night. see the moon. its like no other i've seen before. (until. be well.) ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- .what came before. - .what happened next. a diamond at the bottom of the drain - 20 october 2017 |
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