introspective periscope : peeking inside since Y2K ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Lighthouse Beacon 18:38:49 - 2000-12-12 you said you've seen it in the stars, and i'm sure the moon was smiling as she whispered words of wisdom, breathed soveriegn serenity softly against the warmth of my bundled up flesh, almost feverish compared with the cold of night. and monday brings its full moon and silver streaks of salvation shine in the words you're sending across the wire... and some nights, i've never been more sure of anything in my life, and some mornings, i wake to face reality and the doubt comes creeping in, creeping and sliding and slipping into conciousness, but i'm barring it, setting up road blocks, baracading my heart from its chill; I'm letting the breezes of hope come cool and salve the burning in my soul. electric blue lightning bolts of sense and sensibility striking deep in the ground where i stand; i'm jumping and skipping on your words, your voice, your face.... the sweetest face, so serious, very sexy... each day becoming as dear to me as the words i've been known to befriend, the dreams i've been making love to, the molten liquid emotion magma in my core... bleeding fingers and plans set aside, just for a little while, now, we can be so thrifty when we must. i can't imagine that i'd mind. For you, and no one else could i see such sacrafice, could i see bending twisting cool cold front ritual, breaking and contorting patterns that have become my every day repetition. i was sure i could continue on forever, day in and out and in and out of solitary sameness, but you've broken my concentration, forcing me to see the possibilities, to shed the comfortable illusion of forever-solitude. perhaps its not for me after all... and his voice ripples mud puddles in the back of my mind: "you're not the type to stay alone forever, you know. people like you will find someone." I never would have believed if it hadn't been for you. she's whispering wise words, but i'm sometimes to juvenile to realize truth, to feel its essence seeping into my life... bombarded with fear and doubts and shudders of the purest love, my emotional flight encounters pockets of turbulence never expected, even on the most hopeful of nights. all i can do is hope that the doubts won't poison you, won't put to rest the fire i feel from so far, that you'll remain strong in the face of fear... for without your assurance, i'm not sure that i could stand much longer in this exposed state. i can't help but look back to the shadows of months previous, their ease and pain and simplistic acceptance.... i could so easily drift back to play in darkness.... but i'm aiming to stay in the light for awhile.... please keep a candle burning. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- .what came before. - .what happened next. a diamond at the bottom of the drain - 20 october 2017 |
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