introspective periscope : peeking inside since Y2K ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- KNOT 21:08:26 - 2000-08-21 have you seen ohio rise? its has been for days and nights.~counting crows Okay, well, yeah, I'm geeked cuz the concert is coming up soon. I'm starting to feel much better cuz I've been playing Doctor Ghetto. This means, for those who don't know, that I have found some old pills that the campus health centre (yes CENTRE) gave me and I'm hoping that it will cure all that ails me. Here's hoping. A nice cocktail of amoxcicillian or however you spell that bad boy and some blue pills that they gave me once to break up the phlegm (fun word, eh?). Yeah, so thats the meds stats for the week. :) I'm also heading off to boston at the end of the week to see the beautiful girl that dwells up that way. *ahem* Yeah. So here's some freestyle mindless line writing for your amusement. Woo. I got a knot in my throat and it isn't the phlegm I'm breaking up, its like a breed between the lump that comes with tears and the lump that comes when the words have dried up on a bed of lava rocks, crusty and crunchy and sharp. I've got a knot in my throat and its not anything like a knot in a tree, not beautiful like that knot in your shoe, not nice like a knot of platinum that will probably never grace my finger, Its just not. Its just a knot. I've tried everything to loosen it up so I can sleep in that bed alone and breath all night like its natural, breath when I wake like its not hurting to do it. Yeah, I have tried singing and screaming, laughing, even...but sometimes, that feels so forced... I've tried cutting it out, but it just bled a lot and they had to stitch me up with some rusty wire... or at least, thats what I'm tellin' you so you don't stare at me and my lockjaw and wonder why I'm not talking so much these days. I've tried everything i can think of to loosen up this knot, and its not working.... nothing cures. So I'm living with this lumpy knot in my throat as if I've had it forever, as if I was born with my speech impediment, and I'm not talking the lisp I had in tenth grade, smartazz, I'm talking the part where I stopped sharing, the part where I can't spill every part of me to you anymore, the part where a knot is not the only problem I've got, and how I can't tell you how I'm feeling anymore... and thats a damned shame cuz there was a time when I could've told you anything, and there was a time when I knew where you were living, and I knew every knot in the woodwork, i knew every knot in your chain, and now, I can't even find you as the sun sets over our little twisted town and my voice is something silent, my voice is stuck in my throat but you can see it, if you listen really closely, you can hear it if you watch me carefully, I think you can see it in my eyes,now... that things are safer, but just as sad, things are safer now, with you more than a bike ride away in a house i can't find, things are safe now and my voice is knotted up and I never wished harder for anythning, except for maybe you, that it had knotted up sooner or that i'd fallen and bit my tongue a little harder a little earlier cuz it was a little too late, but whats done is done i suppose i can get used to my silence, your silence your being lost on the other side of town the way you tug at the strings of the throat of the girl that you could never love. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- .what came before. - .what happened next. a diamond at the bottom of the drain - 20 october 2017 |
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