introspective periscope : peeking inside since Y2K

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15 pounds

dusking outside - 26 august 2014

"i wish you'd see yourself as beautiful as i see you. why can't you see yourself as beautiful as i see you?"~the avett brothers

mom and her aunt karen have been here for five days now. she'll be heading back in just a day or so.

we spent saturday out on bar harbor. i found a place that seems like a pretty perfect place to take a day-trip date. we lunched at jordan pond...scoring a table outside with a hell of a view of the two mountains called 'the bubbles' in acadia national park.

we enjoyed turkey blts, beautiful salads, fresh warm popovers with strawberry jam, and iced tea. the sky was clear and the sun shone brightly in the late summer afternoon. after lunch, we drove up to the top of cadillac mountain and enjoyed the view of the harbor, the surrounding islands, and as far out to the atlantic as one could possibly see. we stopped off in town at fiore's, a tasting room for infused balsamic vinegars and olive oils. i bought a couple bottles for my mom and splurged a little on a bottle of butternut squash seed oil for myself. then, on the way off the island, i took them to the college of the atlantic and we wandered around to find a few pretty terrific views. on the way back from the island, we stopped off and the three of us got 2 live lobsters each which we had them boil over the woodfire stoves so we could take them home to pick for our own lobster rolls-without-the-rolls....lobster bowls! we also shared a bowl of steamers and then headed back to bangor. that was a pretty perfect day.

on sunday, we woke early and went over to the farmer's market. we probably bought more produce than we really needed...but the rainbow chard and cantaloupes and sweet yellow watermelon all looked so delicious that we came home with them anyway. we also got fresh basil for a caprese salad to go with dinner since we were having my landlord and his wife over to join us for an early sunday dinner. i made my first leg of lamb...marinated overnight in garlic, salt, rosemary, lemon zest, olive oil and lemon juice that i pounded to paste with my mortar and pestle. i roasted it with gold fleshed maine potatoes with rosemary, salt, and pepper. i made my usual brussels sprouts with my new olive oil and threw in bacon to be fancy. that was some artisan shit right there, guys! we finished with dessert...a plum and blueberry upside down cake with vanilla bean ice cream. it was the first fancy meal i've made for company in my new house and it was nice to make something a little nicer than a bagel or a blt.

throughout the weekend, i noticed a strange pain on my inner thigh which was a little worrisome after last month's hospital adventure...i was a little concerned that maybe it was a blood clot. so, i called the doctor's office and they got me in for a visit and i was then sent to the hospital for an ultrasound on my leg which turned up nothing. by today, the sore red spot was gone and i have no idea what caused it at all.

the worst part of the whole thing was finding that i've gained 15 pounds in the last month. could it be from the bagels i've added into my diet in the last couple of months? all the driving and company and, therefore, fewer visits for my regular walks in the woods? sure, i've got the most swollen ankles i've ever seen and part of the weight is definitely water but i'm really disappointed because i've been trying really hard all summer to get and stay healthier. i know 15 pounds isn't a lot considering i've been losing weight during most of my pregnancy but i'm not going to stand for this. i spoke with my midwife and i'm going to address my diet and get back to even more strict paleo...no more yogurt, no more bagels. my blt's will be bread-free and wrapped in lettuce rather than on that beautiful farmer's market spinach cheddar bread or 7 grain bread. i've probably gone out more than usual with my company coming through town, for sure. so...this shouldn't be too hard to get under control and even lose again in the next few weeks. still, admittedly, seeing the numbers on the scale hit me a little hard and made me feel pretty terrible about myself. how did i get off track and gain so much so fast? i'm trying not to let a number get to me. the doctor who saw me (it's never the same doctor) told me to get on a scale every day which seems counter-intuitive to what i know about me. feeling my clothes fit more loosely, feeling myself moving swiftly through the woods, and feeling healthier with a check once a week on my weight will be plenty...otherwise, i know i get discouraged if i'm watching it every. single. day. it gets depressing and i give up on even trying and i have learned enough about myself that i know this method won't work. i nod my head at the doctor and instead consult my midwife to make sure that my plan makes sense...and it does. i'll keep an eye to the numbers and i think i can lose 15 pounds pretty quickly and in a healthy way so i'm not going to get too discouraged. i'm just going to focus on doing better.

this morning, i dragged myself out of bed, got the dog and my mother, and we headed for the woods. we walked 2 miles in the morning sunshine before it got hot. mom did well--she wasn't sure if she could do it but she did. i'm hoping that when mom and dad are here together, they'll go walking more when they're here, too. the more that summer starts to wane, the more i'm thinking of my need for snowshoes...

mom will head home in a few days. tomorrow morning, i'll visit the chiropractor that my midwife wants me to see to start making sure everything is lining up well for an easy birth. i'm a little nervous since i've never been to see a chiropractor--i've never had a need. the lady on the phone was really nice and assured me this would be a gentle thing and will also likely involve acupuncture as we get a little further down the line...the acupuncture part is a little exciting and fascinating because i've always wanted to try it but never really had a reason. my midwife comes on sunday and we'll make sure everything else is still looking good. the baby is definitely getting bigger and moving around in there a lot so i feel like everything is fine. just have to get my diet back under the same control it was a few weeks ago and things will be gold-star perfecto, i'm sure.

i want to go home more than anything and watching mom and her aunt get in the car on thursday morning is going to be pretty difficult because i really want to go with them...but i know it's just a few weeks from now that i'll get to see my friends again. i'm going to spend those few weeks focusing on getting the house ready to be vacant for 2 weeks, getting my diet in order, and getting sammy ready to spend a little time in a kennel for the first time since he came home with me. there are a million things to do...i wish i didn't feel so tired and i'm going to fight it as much as i can...there will be time to sleep eventually, right?

xo,
jones

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.what came before. - .what happened next.

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