introspective periscope : peeking inside since Y2K ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- residual wastes 9:50 p.m. - 2007-02-01 In my repeated dreams, you stare at me with an empty gaze. you turn your back on me and you search for more intriguing days."~ane brun i have been going through my things, the most painful of all acts so far in this thing. i am slowly combing out the roots of my own life, cruely ripped from yours--with yours, i had become so entangled. unknotting what is left, marking down the damage report, and systematically removing the rubble; hauling away the residual things you left for me to clean up. and i found them. the box of condoms. and i took some time to think about why that hurt so much. and then i got to thinking... the week before you left, we made love every night. i cried each time. i don't think you realized. and this afternoon, i got to thinking: did we make love in the darkness, with the lights off because you couldn't look me in the eye anymore? (suddenly, everything hurts even more deeply.) ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- .what came before. - .what happened next. a diamond at the bottom of the drain - 20 october 2017 |
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