introspective periscope : peeking inside since Y2K

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mary

10:31 p.m. - 2008-03-23

"i want to know your love is real."~david gray

are you going to come with me
when i say i need a beer
or when i'm lonely
because i get lonely, too?

are you going to come with me
when i call you
because i'm running circles in my mind
like hamsters or
ferris wheels or
wall clocks
and i can't stop because
this is how it is for me
inside this head?

are you going to acknowledge
that we're both
islands in this town
and the people we love
have left us
and we're floating
but barely
and the windows
of our houses
face away from each other
but i'm looking in the direction
hoping you'll look, too
but even if you were there
i still sometimes find it hard
to walk out the door?

how is this going to play out
because i'm here when you call
and i walk out and pick you up
whenever you call me
and its not a love thing
not like that
its just that i feel like
from you
i've got so much to learn
because sometimes
i feel like your head
is so much like mine
like its running and flooding
like fields
sticky mud
sucking
the shoes from my thoughts
til they are sloppy and
not allowed in the house anymore
i feel like
sometimes
you can't slow down either
and i'm watching you because
you've been doing this longer
certainly
you've been doing this longer
you've got years on me.

and its quiet-quiet
matters of being deported
quiet-quiet
like i could tell your stories
like i would tell your stories
like i have anyone to tell anyway
like i can so easily find the words
like i would risk whatever this is
(friendship?)
to tell on you.
i have so very few
life-rafts left in this town
and come summer
you may just be
the only one
and then what?

so when i call you
to get a beer
are you going to come?
or am i going alone?
all of this fire-walking
tiptoeing over
shards of something
broken hearts
and broken hopes
is making me worry
and
i just want to know
that when i call
you'll come for me
as i come for you
because
that is the sort of thing
i want for this to be.

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.what came before. - .what happened next.

a diamond at the bottom of the drain - 20 october 2017
baseball season to football season, abbreviated - 25 september 2017
the doodles - 11 july 2017
at arm's length - 4 july 2017
like a sea-mammal needs a bicycle - 30 may 2017