introspective periscope : peeking inside since Y2K ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- hospital gowns aren't clothes on resting - 20 july 2015 "when you dream, what do you dream about? do you dream about music or mathematics or planets too far for the eye? do you dream about jesus or quantum mechanics or angels who sing lullabies"~barenaked ladies the last few days have been exhausting, strange, and wonderful, america. on wednesday night, when i came home, i wasn't feeling so hot and figured it was because i hadn't fed the monster inside me for a few hours. so, i cut up some avocados, a peach, and toasted some of my favorite tj's bread. i was tired a lot earlier than usual even after my nap so i just went to bed early. it had been raining for days at that point so i set my alarm to get up early, determined to get to the woods to get a walk in before work. instead, my landlord called to tell me he would be there in an hour to help me hang the kitchen shelves that have been waiting for a month to go on the wall as well as my largest piece of art. i got up, showered, and dressed for the woods anyway, hoping it would be a quick process. we had the shelves and art up in no time but i still felt the same strangeness from the night before...so i decided i'd better stay home lest i pass out under a tree and be eaten by some of those deer flies or a hungry bear or something. i called in to work to let them know i wasn't feeling right and decided to take the day to just rest up. i stopped over to the adjacent back yard and visited with michelle for a little bit. she had to run out and brought back lunch for us. we talked for a bit and when her husband came home, i was really feeling out of it. he walked me home and i napped for a bit. when i woke, i called her. i'd been shivering under my summer down comforter for two hours and was sweating. i had strange cramps. i knew something wasn't right. michelle brought her thermometer...i was registering a temperature of 103F. i called my midwife and after talking with her, decided a visit to the emergency room was in order...just in case. i was in the door for a few minutes before i was whisked away in a wheel chair to a delivery room. they asked me about my symptoms. the doctor advised a blood thinner, thinking it was a blood clot. he also wanted to do a chest x-ray to rule out pneumonia. he said there was some risk to the baby but they could put a metal plate over my belly to minimize the risk. i called my midwife to consult and decided that i wanted no part in that...i'm trying to grow a healthy baby in there and a little radiation just isn't part of the recipe for success. thoughts of one of my favorite books, Geek Love (Katherine Dunn) came to mind. they moved me to another room and told me to get rest after i was hooked up to a bag of liquid to hydrate me and heparin, a blood thinner that wouldn't cross the placental barrier. i struggled to get comfortable and just as i fell asleep, the circus began. they were coming and going with questions, checking stats. i'd arrived around seven thirty. it took them until nearly three thirty to get a tech in to do an ultrasound on my leg to scan for clots. by six in the morning, it was finally calming down but i was so tired i barely noticed that they were poking more and more needles into my arm with no success of sticking a useful vein. i woke with giant bruises on my arm. they also noticed a new rash on my ankle that was spreading quickly and so they brought in an antibiotic to treat that. when i'd left the house, i didn't expect to be admitted. when they brought breakfast, i expected to be discharged. instead, they told me that i'd be staying a second night. i spent the day trying to sleep, reading a book michelle brought for me from my house, and messaging folks to let them know i was okay. they kept checking the baby's heart rate. on friday, they did an ultrasound. i hadn't planned on having any ultrasounds during my pregnancy but from the beginning, i've said i'd be flexible on this if there was cause for concern....and this was cause enough for me. they took a lot of pictures of the baby and sealed one in an envelope for michelle who has been dying to know the sex of the little life in me. after 5 meals of hospital food (which, admittedly, wasn't terrible but it wasn't avocados, guys!) they finally let me go home. so, when i had my mom on the phone, we opened the envelope. a few minutes later, my dad and sister and mom video-chatted with me from the hospital room and i shared the news with all of them. i called my brother after that. and then my aunt. i messaged my best friends to let them know. i let my midwife know. for now, everyone who needs to know...knows. and i'm really really happy. somehow, knowing changes things. the little bit of maternal momma bear thing i had going has grown exponentially in almost no time at all. in the end, when they let me go home, they called my ailment 'cellulitis' and gave me an antibiotic. they couldn't tell me what it was that caused it but i suspect it was one of these maine insects that have been trying to kill me these last few weeks. they've drawn all over my legs and ankles to indicate the swelling and rash so the doctors at my followup appointment monday will know where things were when i left late saturday afternoon. so today is just resting up and spending time with my thoughts....and working in my little kitchen. i've been content despite the gloomy weather and today, going outside can only mean mosquitoes, anyway. i hope you had a good weekend, too, america. xo, ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- .what came before. - .what happened next. a diamond at the bottom of the drain - 20 october 2017 |
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